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Saturday August 18,2007
I got a call from my mom tonight. She was plastered and ranting. She said she needed to talk to my dad (her ex-husband) and it was really important. She said she had to give him somthing before she goes. I had no idea where she was going. I asked her. She said she was going to commit suicide.
I drove over to the place she was staying. My dad and I walked into the bedroom and what we found was horrifying. She was passed out drunk with a 45 mm next to her head. She had planned on commiting suicide. I was so terrified. Thankfully, in her time of drunkeness, she had forgotten to load the gun. So there was no bullet to blow her brains out.
We came home and I talked to her for a while, about why she wanted to do it. I saw something in my mother that I had never seen before. I saw a lonely, grieving woman. I felt a glimpse of sadness for her.
Sunday August 19, 2007
Today i didnt really move. I was so depressed today. My mother's ordeal the previous night, took such a toll on me. I was going through alot before all this happened, and now I just feel like slitting my wrists. I cut last night. Not really deep but a bunch of times. I stopped for awhile but i started back up. I talked to my dad about therapy. He said i can go back. I've been in and out of therapy for 8 months now. I just want to feel better about myself. I want to find an easier, less self-destructive way of dealing with my depression. My dad won't let me take anti-depressants because he doesn't believe anything is wrong with me. So now i have to deal with all this, dare i say, "sober".
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Posted by pure_life411 on 2007-08-19 22:47:16 | Rating: | Views: 169
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I commend you for your willingingness to help yourself. I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I do hope your mother follows your lead and gets help herself. She is hurting and unable to get past the hurt. If you are depressed, there are things you can do to lift yourself up some. Take a B-complex everyday. Get more nature time and walks. Eat more dark chocolate because chocolate increases the production of Seratonin levels in your brain. Antidepressants do the same. You can some premium cocoa powder and make health shakes with it. L-triptofan which is an amino found in turkey comes in supplement form. It also is an anti-depressant. Listen to uplifting music. Watch movies that make you laugh. Read alot of jokes.
Be aware of your thinking. Don't let what ifs creep in. Don't let negative thoughts occur. Make an effort to think positive. Read some self-help books. You are not the cause of your mother's troubles. Don't take that on yourself. It isn't fair to you. Pray, pray, pray even if you don't believe in a higher power. Praying has healing properties.
Hang in there. Tell yourself that this will pass. It will.
Hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz,
Kim
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-08-20 01:38:43
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It might be true.. there is nothing wrong with you...
BUT because of what is happening around you... and to those closest to you, it does affect you deeply.. you are human... and perhaps you are at an age where you are more Vulnerable... and can easily get depressed....
If pills are not an option.. then maybe group therapy would help... or joining a support group... it REALLY helps alot than having to deal with thigns on your own.. you will need to have a nice good support system.. and not just from your dad...
try it...
T.
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Posted by Traveler
on 2007-08-20 03:37:30
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