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I'm starting to become depressed again...it's my dad who's causing it.
He is so controlling. He controls what i eat, what i do, when i do it. He doesn't realize that what he's doing is causing me to go insane. I have no control over my own life. He argues with me about the simplest things. He calls me names, he cussses in my face. He's kicked me, scratched me, hit me. The physical stuff isn't the bad part. Knowing that I am that much of a failure to my dad that he has to do that to me, is the hardest part of all. All I've ever wanted to do was make him proud but no matter what i do, it's never enough. I try hard at the gym, and he expects me to try harder. I get 5 a's and one b, he must have all straight a's. He doesn't understand that I'm depressed. He says it's me being dramatic. He makes me cry and he doesn't even know it. I'm not perfect, nobody is, but my dad requires me to be the closest thing. I wish he knew how i felt but he's to stubborn and hard-headed to admit that he makes me cry.
Ellie Cohutta
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Posted by pure_life411 on 2007-08-13 21:41:44 | Rating: | Views: 164
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This breaks my heart. I'm new here. But your story sounds a lot like mine. My parents weren't that controling but nothing I ever did was good enough. I'm a grown woman with my own children and still to this day I'm treated the same by them. It is such a problem that I've moved many many miles away to protect my children from this pain.
Don't let it control you. Rise above it. Let it be your strength. You will never achieve what you think you should in their eyes. Trying will only drive you more insane. I'm sorry parents hurt so much. I don't think we are supposed to.
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Posted by Brokenhearted
on 2007-08-19 18:34:00
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Yes! Your Dad has his own issues, and the way he treats you is not a reflection of you. It is a reflection of his own internal wars. It is painful to feel unloved, especially from a parent. I grew up feeling unloved most of the time by my father because he was abrupt and impatient. I could walk into the room where he would be and he would give off this big sigh as if in discussed. His looks sometimes could almost kill. I learned that it wasn't about me, and all about him. He had his own issues and feelings of inadequacies he was dealing with and he displaced them on to me. It's not about you. Your Dad needs help too. He is hurting and I'm sure he can't communicate it.
Believe in yourself and when your Dad displaces anger and frustration on to you, tell yourself "it's not about me." Parents are far from perfect. We all have our internal mind battles.
Going through it with you.
Kim
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-08-20 12:15:40
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Oh sweetie... your post makes my heart hurt. My little girl was abandoned by her father and she used to wonder what she did wrong to make him leave. The answer was "Nothing," but she still wondered. He came back a decade later and began to harrass her, talk down to her, threaten her. She wonders all the time what she's done to deserve that treatment. She asks me why he won't just go away. I tell her that she isn't to blame... that it's his own internal demons that make him act the way he does... but she doesn't believe me. How can she? I know the pain that I see in her eyes and I wish there was something I could do to take it away from her. Until a bad parent admits he's a bad parent, nothing stops the cycle.
I noticed that you were born in '88, which I assume makes you old enough to get away physically. Do whatever you can to remove yourself from the hurt and work on healing the wounds in your soul with people who are supportive and loving. Separation, while hard, is the only way you'll be able to feel truly alive again. I wish you all the best, my dear. I love to hear stories of abused children who overcome because they give me hope for my own daughter's psychological health. Feel free to email me anytime. While I can't guarantee wonderful advice, I can promise that I hurt for you and will always tell you that you're worthwhile... because you are!
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Posted by himaintenance
on 2007-08-27 09:09:01
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so how old r u? i'm violet. my dad is controllin 2. took away my black nailpolish. ruined my day. -vi
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Posted by XXspiderdustXX
on 2007-09-03 13:45:34
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Call the cops on him. That asshole can't do much then.... or you can sit there continuing to blame yourself for somethign some jerk is doing to you.
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Posted by LadiLucifer
on 2007-10-02 12:27:01
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