Hello everyone...
I haven't wrote anything in while...I felt like writing tonight.
I had a panic attack at church on Sunday night.
I ended up cutting in the bathroom.
...i was depressed.
Then tonight....i cut some more...
I was sitting in the bath with my shine...
which is the knife i cut with.
Shine was calling out to me...
"Ellie, you need me. You want me on your skin. I'll dig into you like butter."
It's almost seductive. The knife calling out to me.
I drag the blade across my skin, climaxing it's so amazing.
I get such pleasure from the blade.
That's what happened tonight.
I went crazy from pleasure.
I created a masterpiece upon my forearm....

I was just thinking....Someone is probably reading this thinking I'm some screwed up, attention hog.
well....you're wrong. If you think that way, i suggest you quit reading and go do something for the world.
I wouldn't want to waste your precious time...
so leave!

back to the story now.

I just kept cutting. Watching the blood leak out..
Each wound caused by my own hands...I've caused my own demise.
I etched in a star on my arm.
A bloodied star i hide under my sleeve.
my own masterpiece.
I cut in the bath so my arm is sooo dry....
it hurts real bad, but it's a sweet pain.
I live for it....because it's the only thing i have to live for.

I'll write again later...

Ellie Cohutta