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| september twelfth two thousand and seven
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Ever have that friend, that you hate, but you love at the same time? And I am not talking about that friend that can be annoying sometimes. I am talking about someone you just dislike, you can be around them. Just the thought of them makes your skin crawl. But at the same time, you care. You care how they are doing, what their doing, whats hurting them and what making them happy. That's the kind of person I am talking about.
I have this friend, we went to university together. We were good friends, took the same program, studied together. For the first half of our second year we were inseparable, we did a lot together. Then after the semester was over things began to sour, and he just changed, or maybe I changes, or we both did.At first, I missed him, cause he was my friend, and I wanted him around. Then I started realizing different things. Like how bad he really treated me as a friend. They often say you have to step back to see things in focus, and when I stepped back from or friendship, all these things just started popping up. Like How controlling he really was, and how undependable, and how he just expected for you to be there, but when you needed him, he just wasn't there.
All this realization made me begin to dislike him, and as time went on and I saw more of him doing the stuff that I just couldn't stand, I started not being able to stand being around him, that's why, during me entire third year, I avoided him completely. Which left him stunned because, before he went home for a week we were talking and just fine (or at least he thought) and he came back to friend that acted almost as if she didn't know him. ( I know it was harsh) But I did try in the being to be friends with him again, but then I decided to forget it.
The truth is I was very conflicted,I went back and forth between, wishing we were friends, so we can do the things we do, and hating him and wishing he were in another galaxy
It's been over a year since we've been good friends and it's been on and off in whether or not we are talking. and usually it me that starts it, because I tell myself I'm silly for ignoring my friend.(or someone who used to be my friend)
I emailed him or facebooked him a message the other day. He is now in California, while I am still in Ontario. I kept it casual, although it took me about 15-20 minutes to write 3 sentences. It took him a few days to actually respond, which is understandable, he is in school. And when I was reading it, it was the same feeling of hate mingled with friendship, that rose. I can't seem to figure out what it is I want, to be friends or for him to stay away permanently
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Posted by princesacamille on 2007-09-12 20:15:29 | Rating: | Views: 85
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