I don't know if anyone is reading these but I am still going to write them.If nothing else then to try and figure out things. I love my kids. Why does everything feel like a stab in the heart becuse he isn't here. I don't know if I am going to my class reunion or not. I was always the one that was picked on. There are alot of days I wonder why I am here. I know God put me here for a reason and that and my kids are the only thing that keep me going. I want to feel like I matter. I wish I could figure out why I am here. I used to put everyone else before myself and it made me feel good. But know I don't even know who I am. A person I know was on the television. She is coming back to Michigan to help her elderly parents. She is the type that used to get everything handed to her and she is very smart. But even though she is profiled and talks about the small town she came from she never mentions the name of the town. I love the small town I come from. Everyone knows evveryone. I am hoping to eventually live back there with the rest of my family. I miss Leslie and the people there. Maybe if I go back I can find what I am looking for.