| Why does it never get easier? |
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Im really not sure why i cant just be happy with life? Why do i feel rubbish everyday, or every work day anyway?
I dont have a bad job, well i dont think i do, but then its hard to compare when you dont know what everyone elses job feels like i guess. But yet i get up every morning dreading the day, wishing for it to be 4:30 then i can go home, and i really dont want to wish my life away.
When i am at work i feel tired, often have headaches and can rarely be bothered doing all the stuff i know i should be doing. I come up with ideas but can never be bothered putting them into practice. I just spend the day looking for ways to pass the time on, and very rarely work related ones,
In case you are wondering my job is a librarian at a high school. Its a tough school, with many special needs pupils, and the kids can be sometimes very difficult and disruptive. But then again i am left pretty much to my own devices, with no-one on my back. I am my own boss really. But that has its down sides too because i dont have any staff so it can get very lonely. I dont get any real support, and the fact that i have no experience in this role makes it tough. I mean i am expected to supervise the kids on a daily basis with no training at all. But then i can get away with anything and everything really.
See how im torn. I think maybe i should look for a new job, one that i really enjoy. But am not sure such a job exists. Plus this is easy, but then i really dont feel that easy is the best thing. It makes you lazy and depressed. I lack motivation.
God i dont know.
I had a week off last week and really enjoyed spending time with my bf. We are a great partnership, and i ended the week feeling positive and happy. But now im back at work its a different story. I would like to set up a business with the bf, but im not sure he really feels the same way. Plus its such a risk, and we are skint.
God its such a dilemma.
I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask?
I should be happy, i have everything anyone could want in life. But yet im not.
Arrrggghhhhh.
Right now i just wanna go to bed!!!!
God im rambling on, and winging. My bf says i do that a lot. I say its cos im a woman, but then is it?
A good slap might help! lol
I wish it was that simple. I often wonder if i have emotional problems, but then i think dont be bloody stupid.
God im a misery guts today.
I have so many tasks i need to go and do, but i just cant find the motivation to go and do them. I only do things when i really really have to.
Anyway i could go on and on and on for hours.
Im gonna go and drink some coffee and hope that helps me feel better!!! lol
Heres hoping....
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