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Yesterday, I called Bri after work because I missed him and a friend of his had asked if we wanted to go down to Long Boat Key for July 4th. When he first picked up I could tell he was happy to hear from me but within a minute, he was not being himself. I could not figure it out at first but it turned out he had customers in front of him. I went to a friend’s house and hung out until 11. I left my phone in the car and when I returned I had a call and a text message from him. He had been by my house and had waited for a while but I never showed up.
It turns out there is a reason for everything. He was a little miffed that I wasn't home and did not answer his call or his text message. I told him I was bothered with the night before and how he had been on the phone earlier. Well, it turns out he was bothered two. On Monday, we went out to eat and I said something that hurt him. The moment I said it, I realized it and got watery eyed. I felt horrible because I knew the words could be taken very harshly and I never want to hurt anyone. I felt bad through out dinner but he tried to make the best of it.
After dinner, he went for a walk with me and said that he knew sometimes he could say strong words but he wondered if I knew the effect of the things I said. Truly, sometimes I forget that he feels too. He is so stoic that I struggle with believing that he truly feels things. In the past few days, even with the harshness, I think I have seen a great deal of him. He has been more open about his feelings and he has shown emotions that I forget exist for him.
In our conversation, I tried to make it better but he said to let him be. That he too was surprised that he kept re-thinking things and that what I had said kept coming into his mind. I was hurt by his previous words but I know he unleashes when he’s hurt. He says he thinks that I don’t see the good things that he does. I told him about the brake lights and how it bothered me that he had not shown up.
I just wish things could be easy between us. There are stories in our past that should have made me realize something was wrong with him but I always assume the worst in him. A few months ago my friend Jen got towed while we were in Hyde Park. If you know Tampa that is a common area for vehicles to get towed if they are parked somewhere for too long. Well by the time we got her car out of impound it was 1 in the morning on a Wednesday night. In the process of impounding it, they had broken a tail light. Jen was very shaken because she was in the car at one point and they had lifted the car with her in it. We were in a rough part getting the car when we realized that she had a broken light. She had an hour drive home and was worried about getting pulled over for driving without a tail light. I called Brian and even though we were going through a rough spot at the time he was there within 30 minutes. He showed up with tools and his shop dog. I was so happy to see him. This is why I could not believe that he would let me drive around with broken lights.
I hope everyone has a wonderful July 4th! I plan on spending some time on the beach and enjoying the fireworks from the water. :)
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Posted by prelude2it on 2008-07-03 09:15:43 | Rating: | Views: 116
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Hey, I hope you have a great July 4th too :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-03 09:20:16
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Happy 4th to you - you and Brian certainly have your ups and downs but, being a non-relationship expert myself, I have to wonder if that's whats to be expected. Maybe it's not supposed to be easy. We're dealing with humans and humans are complex beings - how could things possibly be easy?
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-03 10:38:17
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If it were all easy, would it be worth it?
Thank you for sharing the pics.
Enjoy the fireworks, we have a burn ban here, which means no fireworks at all.
Happy 4th for you too!
Hugs!
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-07-03 10:40:39
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Just so you guys know, I fixed my brake lights with my neighbor. What are the odds that I drive a 2 year old car and my brake lights would just all go at once? Anyway, thank you for the well wishes!
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-03 12:38:21
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My B is the same-- totally stoic. I, too, sometimes forget he even has feelings. Sometimes I get so frustrated by his seemingly lack of emotions that I think I almost say mean things just to get ANY sort of reaction.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-03 14:08:51
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I'm glad that you finally got your brake lights fixed :)... And I hope you have a great 4th!!!! Good luck with your Brian...
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Posted by helen1282
on 2008-07-03 18:34:26
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Things will all work out eventually P, you just wait and see. I wish I could have all the time I wasted being unhappy in my thirties back now, cause things always did work out in the end. But then, it's all part of life's experiences, learning and waiting for them to happen. Have a great weekend. E
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-04 04:52:08
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I'm in the same boat as AlreadyJaded, i think the stoic thing is a 'guy' thing. Why do guys have to be such guys??!!!
I hope things get easier with Brian too...but things with guys are never easy. They're just too impossible!
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-07-04 04:54:36
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Things are never easy with guys. I used to get mad at Craig a lot more than I do now. I just have to let it go. I am sure he has to do the same with me, a lot. It stung me that he said he was going to the movies on the 4th. He said he was going to see Wanted. I asked it he was going to drool over Angelina Jolie. He said yeah. I didn't like that. It stung me. But I just laughed. I guess men will be men.
Hope things work out for you and Brian.
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Posted by Fancie
on 2008-07-05 12:47:43
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I meant to say that I loved all the pics. Take care.
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Posted by Fancie
on 2008-07-05 12:49:10
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I agree with Meredith. There are ups and downs in every relationship. Glad you got the tail lights fixed.
Hope you enjoyed your 4th of July and the fireworks. I didn't get to see any fireworks, in person, this year. Usually I go to a county park to see 4th of July fireworks, but since we were under a severe thunderstorm watch, the night of the event, decided not to chance it. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-05 16:54:34
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Happy 4th of July, hope you had a gas, some people get all the brak
I agree with the wise es! Couldnt help myself...I agree with the wise women above me, one day at a time.
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-05 19:27:13
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that comment sounds like I was hit with a fircracker...thats what I get for punning arouns...you should hear all the ones I didnt say, I digress...anyway...
some people get all the brakes...pun
hope you had a gas...pun
I agree with the wise women above me
not the wise es!
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-05 19:29:58
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