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QOD - Tuesday August 5, 2008

Thank you 1221dol0306 for passing me the Question of the Day. I am honored!! The blog I just read inspired this question.

We all have a child hood and our child hood impacts who we are daily. This is the premise for my question.

If you could change your parents, would you choose different ones or are there characteristics you would change in them or the way they raised you and why? Do you think you would be a different person today if you changed them?

My response: I would not change anything about my father other than the day he passed away. If I had a way to have made him live until I was an adult I would have done so. As far as my stepmom (my mom passed away), I would have made her a little gentler and more loving towards me. I think it would have changed who I am today and made me a little less apprehensive about people in general.

For tomorrow's QOD visit Mandie142's blog!

Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-05 00:02:00 | Rating:

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		I wouldn't change my parents, absolutely not. But I would've changed my growing up a little, I would have made my Dad get more involved and my Mum less involved. Balance up the ledger a bit I suppose. But I'm happy who they made me.... We were just close enough. My family don't smother with affection etc. I guess that's why I love it in my own little family, and in the next man I'm with. Affection - I want affection. My own parents although not cold, were not the type to kiss and hug in public.
Posted by EasyToSay on 2008-08-05 00:21:18


		In order to change growing up, I think I'd(We'd) have to change our parents either who they are or how they raised us. Presently(and such feelings are always subject to change in different stages of life), I would have replaced my parents with people who never would make me afraid to live and try. A father who would teach his son how to work with power tools without making him feel like less of a man or a clumsy idiot. And, a mother who would encourage her son to learn how to cook and not throw out his earliest works of art just cuz she thought they were junk he would never go back to work on.:(
Posted by brainstormer on 2008-08-05 01:48:08


		I dont think there was very much I'd change about my parents, I had a very happy childhood. Like you, I know I would want to have kept my dad for longer (he died very suddenly when I was 19) but as someone once said to me, I should be glad I had him to begin with, more so than sorry I lost him. Actually there is only one thing I would change. My dad used to talk about money with me and just say 'you'll understand when you're older' - I wish he had taught me better to handle it, because I am hopeless with money...but thats it.
Posted by chebtastic1 on 2008-08-05 04:17:08


		Even though my upbringing and my parents were very shoddy in themselves, I would not have changed anything about them, otherwise I'd probably be a different person and I'm quite content with who I am now. Except, maybe I'd like it if my Dad was a little more supportive and less restrictive and anti-social, maybe then I would have learned better social skills, maybe I'd have more friends and maybe I'd get out more. I gotta say, I really liked this question! Good on you!
Posted by Mezlie on 2008-08-05 05:26:51


		If it was possible, I would have changed two things about my parents... The first is about my mom. I would like to be more close with her, to have her as a friend who I can trust my secrets and who I would have as the most close person... Cause now I can't say this. My friends know me more than my mother does. The other thing is that I wouldn't like to hear my father's critics about my imagination and talants. He kinda kills them. And now he sometimes is surprised with my lacks of them... But I would have change nothing more. I like the person they brought up (me) and I know they have always done everything for my best. Thanks for question!
Posted by LuckyJulia on 2008-08-05 06:03:36


		I know my Mum did everything she could to give me a good childhood. I just wish sometimes she could have been a little more laid back and enjoyed things more, but that was the way she was. As to my Dad, I wish he had been a little less strict. I know how much he loved me, but sometimes I was more scared of him than I ought to have been. I hope I have remembered all this when I brought up my own children. Being a parent isn't easy and there are no handbooks come along with the baby.
Posted by overthehillandfar... on 2008-08-05 06:08:10


		My parents were wonderful people, very loving, and great role-models. However...they pushed. Always right there behind me, nudging. It never stopped. If I got a good grade in school, it coulda been better. Reach higher! Do better! I guess someone told them that I had great "potential" (ugh - that word still creeps me out!) and they figured I'd never live up to it without them prodding me along. I think I would have turned out the same either way, so I guess I wish they would have let up once in a while. It seems pointless now...it didn't make me achieve greatness, and it doesn't work on my kids either. As with me, it makes them dig their heels in! Hmmm...wonder where they get THAT from? Great question, prelude!
Posted by BootLady on 2008-08-05 06:59:28


		Thank you guys. I love reading your answers. I feel like I'm getting to know everyone more. I am waiting on a response for who the next QOD will be from. I will let you know as soon as they respond.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-05 08:24:02


		I have to say, the only thing I can really think of is that my Mom didnt have to work as much as she did. Other than that, I was totally blessed with both my parents. I had a step-dad that treated me as his own. In actuality he treated me better than his own. I was one lucky kid. Now the Noodle (my biological father) even tho I'm all grown up now, there's lots I would change about him. But that's another story. Great question prelude! Thank you for reminding me how lucky I was! :)
Posted by 1221dol0306 on 2008-08-05 08:24:03


		First of all, to answer your question - yup, I can do it. :) Now to the QOD, I think that the only thing that I would change would be that my biological father was around. I was adopted by the guy I call "Dad" when I was three or four & met my biological when I was a senior in high school. I think that if he would have been in my life, I would be a slightly different person than I am today...not totally different but there would be a difference. Good QOD! :)
Posted by Mandie142 on 2008-08-05 09:22:07


		Thank you Mandie. Mandie will be doing the QOD tomorrow.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-05 09:49:06


		surely each of us would be different if we changed anything related to our past including our parents! but the fact is that we can change who we are right now.. so why bother about the past??
Posted by cool_guy1999_2000 on 2008-08-05 09:49:45


		I wouldn't change a thing about my mom except perhaps instilling more confidence in my sister's and I when we were growing up. We all grew up with a need to please others and somewhat of an inferiority complex, I think. Although my dad sucked, I don't think I would be the person I am had he been different. Perhaps I would have been better, but I don't know. Tough call. Great question.
Posted by Meredith on 2008-08-05 10:27:29


		I would have changed the way my mothers focus was on who my dad was sleeping with behind her back that week or day. I would have changed my dads drug and drinking problems and I guess his trip to vietman shouldn't have taken place that caused much of his choice to self medicate. Then after their divorce that lasted 3-4 years that cause my mother to start her own drinking problem before they remarried. I would have changed the fact that if you were around them at all through out any day you were involved in some kind of family scream fest. I would have liked for them to notice me going down the wrong roads and at least attemped to make us see how important edgucation was. I would have like to been encouraged to do anything positive or constructive with my life. I'd like for them to be concerned to this day for us as their children or at least decent grandparents to mine and my sisters children. If it had be relived to change anything I wouldn't want to do any of it again!
Posted by anotherdaze on 2008-08-05 11:04:48


		I also don't think I would change anything, but I would have liked to have known my biological dad. My "dad" really adopted me when I was 3. I met bio-dad once when I was 7, but that's it. I think about it a lot. I really want to know where I came from, who I look like, etc. He lives somewhere in Wisconsin, I think he has a new family. That is the only thing. I love my step-dad and wouldn't want to change that, because then I wouldn't have a little brother and sister, but it would have been nice to know my bio-dad. I sometimes think of just going to Wisconsin and looking him up, maybe he would be happy to see me, probably not but who knows!
Posted by KarKar on 2008-08-05 11:10:58


		Thank you for sharing. It's very interesting to learn about your childhoods and what you have gone through.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-05 11:12:13


		QOD - I Believe I would not change my so-called parents who adopted me at a young age. They raised me well etc. BUT, I would change Roy, who did Sexual abuse me as a child. I would change that. I would have spoke out sooner, than much later and see that bastard to go to jail for a long time....
Posted by olp76 on 2008-08-05 11:41:45


		Believe it or not, I don't think I'd change my parents. They are who they are. That's how they were meant to be. Their mistakes made me who I am. Despite the hurt it cause my sister and I, I still think it was best for us because it's taught us the importance in parental relationships. I don't think I'd be the dad I am to my son if they hadn't messed up like this. I'd probably be trying to find a way to bail, not realizing the damage it could do. So, I don't think I'd change them. They've taught my a lot.
Posted by noahseth on 2008-08-05 18:33:52


		I would love to have had a different childhood. My mother was a wonderful, caring and loving mother. My father was a raging alcoholic. He drank constantly and I was terrified of him. We were oppressed as children and it took me a long time as an adult to find my voice. I am a stronger, more compassionate person due to my childhood, but it was not easy or enjoyable. I did take with me my mother's tenacity and willingness to stick through things till the end. I am not a quitter and I am not a material person and most importantly..I know the value of a loving home. I made an extreme effort to assure my children lived the opposite childhood..probably giving too much, and being to easy on them. They never witnessed a fight or alcoholic rage or went to bed scared. They have never had to make the decision whether to call the police, or had to pray that if someone died..it would not be their mother. Great question!! peace :) shemelts
Posted by shemelts on 2008-08-05 18:46:28


		I am not sure I think if my parents had not been as into responsibility and all that I might have taken chances I life that I didn't take I also wish they had been better about instilling the value of money in us Other than that they were great
Posted by whiteknight on 2008-08-06 07:19:32


		Noah - reading your blog inspired this for me. I was surprised with your response but I think it's an awesome one.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-06 08:31:00


		Shemelts - I have read your blogs and you are such a strong person. It's awesome that we take what we are given and make something awesome out of it. Thank you everybody for taking the time to answer and share a piece of your life with all of us.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-06 08:32:13


		You know.. the way people are raised by their parents(good or not) influences the way they raise their own kids... Now,I'm still a teenager and pretty much satisfied with the way my parents are with me...neither too strict nor too liberal..I'm comfortable with that and wouldn't want to change anything. I liked your question.I'm sure it made many think.Nice job! :)
Posted by HardThinker on 2008-08-06 10:18:03


		I dont think I would change my parents because I do love them and the rest of my family that comes with it. I would change characterisitics though. I would change my father's drinking problem, which is now not a problem anymore, from when I was a child. This problem caused him to really have screwy priorities. My mother...my mother..I would change her worrysome personality, her old-fashioned thought process, and definitely her temper. She never played with us when we were little, so I wish she was happier when I was younger, maybe she wouldnt have been so mean and edgy and maybe I would have a better temper with relationships and not so vulnerable around everyone I meet. I think I'd be a little more responsible if my father showed more responsibility when I was younger.
Posted by riee87 on 2008-08-06 11:37:15


		I wish my parents wouldn't have been so untrusting of me. They constantly thought I was lying, sneaking, or doing something wrong when I was actually a really good kid. They got so strict with me that I ended up developing the attitude of, "Well, I'm already guilty of a crime I did not commit, so I might as well commit it." Completely irrational, but I was angry and rebelled. I love the person I have become, and I do believe it's because of the mistakes I have made. There are a few, however, that I wish I could take back. Great question!
Posted by nakedtruth on 2008-08-06 13:13:34


		Actually, I would not change my parents. I loved them both. They were, and my Mom still is very judgemental. So I learned to form my own opinions, they were strict, and I negotiated some changes, they were exacting, I strove to accomplish. And although I didn't have an easy childhood, I know I am the stronger for it. I found the strength to rebel, and become my own person. They were both hard working,had lots of friends, were very social, and brought interesting people into our lives. Dad was accomplished in many ways,and My Mom seemed to be able to do anything, too. They were not afraid to try, ever. Although, my dad is deceased years ago, and we miss him, my Mom danced at her 80th. birthday, I knew she would. I intend to on mine,also
Posted by circe on 2008-08-06 13:46:35


		These are some wonderful responses. I am really happy with the results of this QOD. I feel like everyone has spoken from their heart which is the most I could hope for.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-08-06 16:04:00


		Gee, how many had alcoholic parents? Or parents who applied pressure to perform which either directly or indirectly affected how we lived or hid from living? Any of you who say the pressure was tolerable and you still love them regardless are either very strong or very foolish. To me, it sounds like a bully always beating on your backside and you just put up with it. Keep saying "That's okay, I'll survive." I can't believe Im starting to side with whiteknight. I too wish I was more of a risk-taker after years of being so damn cautious about everything. I cannot fully blame them for my fears, but they sure don't help instill confidence or acceptance. Love is a numb, dead nerve.