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Just over 2 days
It's been just over 2 days since I have heard from Brian.  He's on a trip and I expected very little contact.  It's the first time that I'm a little sad.  Before he left I asked him to go home after his trip and we would see what happened but that was all before our fight.  I have the feeling he will come over tonight.  He was trying to be affectionate when he came by Friday night to get his things before his trip. 

I have to stay strong because I know that my head is not matching my heart right now.  I know I have to do this, I know there is no future but I feel this ridiculous need to want to help him and be there for him.  Friday night I realize that he does not respect me and that if I let this continue it will escalate to a bad place.  I had never seem him that mad or loose control that much.

I also wonder if he has found my blogs.  Last week when I got on my computer I thought I had left my computer on a different page of thoughts.com then where it was.

I'm late for work this morning because I had a hard time sleeping.  Today I have to entertain someone that is here from my home office and take them to dinner.  Great.
Posted by prelude2it on 2008-05-05 08:13:00 | Rating: | Views: 64


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Posted by
EasyToSay
on 2008-05-05 08:14:45
 
Stay strong, stay strong ... remember better to be alone than with the WRONG man!

Have a great week.
 
 

Posted by
prelude2it
on 2008-05-05 09:23:12
 
Thanks, Easy. I'm trying to convince myself of that, I know it in my head but it's hard. I find myself thinking about seeing him and I have to let that go.
 
 

Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-05-05 10:15:48
 
Prelude - you should delete the history from your computer whenever you are finished - that is how I think my mom found my blog. I doubt he would be able to find your particular post anyway though, since you did not post under your name.

On another note - it's normal to vacillate from feeling strong to being sad and weak. When you feel sad, you forget about all of the bad stuff and just miss him. Don't be too hard on yourself.
 
 

Posted by
BlueMoonInMyEye
on 2008-05-05 11:01:40
 
As usual, I agree with Meri and Easy. What is a breakup besides the constant battle going on between your head and heart, culminating in one or the other finally pulling rank? You deserve respect for who you are, not who someone wants you to be. And if there was enough of a temper display for you to be frightened, please remember there is possibly a side to him that you don't know; one that could potentially be dangerous. BE CAREFUL!!!! I'm always here, and you know that!!!
 
 

Posted by
prelude2it
on 2008-05-05 11:49:55
 
Thank you Meri & Blue. You are both great.

I love the pic Meri.
 
 

Posted by
angelwings
on 2008-05-06 01:11:06
 
Prelude, I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I know you'll come out of it eventually. Just keep reminding yourself of this new side to him. I know hearts never cooperate in matters like this...just be strong, girl. I'm thinking of you. Sending you lots of strength and a hug. Bluemoon said it all, not much I can add. Just know that we're all here for you. take care...
 
 

Posted by
overthehillandfaraway
on 2008-05-06 07:01:15
 
Hey Prelude - just take one day at a time. In my experience a lot of the things I dreaded the most just weren't as bad. Good luck!
 
 


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prelude2it
Near the beach, Florida, United States

Latest Posts
1.  Friend Drama (2008-05-16 09:28:48)  
2.  Do you ever feel wierd? (2008-05-14 16:13:04)  
3.  3rd night by myself - not completely Uggh! (2008-05-13 23:39:52)  
4.  I made my first goal. (2008-05-12 13:49:22)  
5.  Finally Friday! (2008-05-09 16:02:08)  

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