Posted by
stillkickin
on 2008-04-01 00:14:10 |
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| You have to choose your battles, is it so bad that being alone is better? Is there any chance things will improve? If you leave it (the problem)alone will it lay there, go away,or get better, all by itself? I was the King of stupid when I was young, by the grace of God my wife stood by me. We have managed to make a good life together. I was not perfect then, not perfect now, but our marriage is as close to perfect as any I have seen. |
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Posted by
caringadvis
on 2008-04-01 03:38:02 |
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Dear Prelude2it,
It is obvious to me that you are in touch with your inner feelings and very intuitive. I'd say trust your gut. I'd also say that stillkickin made some good points above. Men can get better as they live with you. I think that is great if you are married. I'm just not sure you would chose a man to marry that you feel inside is not really what you want. Only you can answer that. I can give my opinion and so can other well meaning and caring people. Yet, in the end it is you that will live with your actions. I just know one thing. Fear of lonliness should never dictate love or who we spend our future with. I do think having a baby is a wonderful thing in marriage with a mom and dad. What does Brian think about having a baby? Have you even discussed it with him. When would he want one? I do agree with your friend. You should never "settle" when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a wonderful thing also but it is alot of hard work too. You need the real thing to make it for the long haul.
Caring Advise |
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Posted by
caringadvis
on 2008-04-01 03:38:04 |
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Dear Prelude2it,
It is obvious to me that you are in touch with your inner feelings and very intuitive. I'd say trust your gut. I'd also say that stillkickin made some good points above. Men can get better as they live with you. I think that is great if you are married. I'm just not sure you would chose a man to marry that you feel inside is not really what you want. Only you can answer that. I can give my opinion and so can other well meaning and caring people. Yet, in the end it is you that will live with your actions. I just know one thing. Fear of lonliness should never dictate love or who we spend our future with. I do think having a baby is a wonderful thing in marriage with a mom and dad. What does Brian think about having a baby? Have you even discussed it with him. When would he want one? I do agree with your friend. You should never "settle" when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a wonderful thing also but it is alot of hard work too. You need the real thing to make it for the long haul.
Caring Advise |
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Posted by
caringadvis
on 2008-04-01 03:38:44 |
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| OOPs, sorry about that! I accidently hit the submit button twice. |
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Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-04-01 15:43:55 |
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| I got half way through the article and wanted to slap the author. I strongly disagree with the idea of settling and, if her definition of marriage as "a small, mundance and often boring nonprofit business" is accurate, I would rather be alone. At the same time, being with the right person when he can't (or won't) give you what you want/need to be truly happy is also settling. I realized that with my Brian. He's the guy I wanted but I was miserable because he didn't want me the way I wanted to be wanted. (How many times can I say "want" in a single comment???) Anyway, I agree with Blue about the "deal breakers". I read an article that suggested devising a list of 4 or 5 "must haves" and 4 or 5 "must NOT haves". For example, a guy I am with MUST be intelligent and funny and he MUST NOT be cheap. Things like loving baseball, taking naps and having amazing bi-ceps are things I would like but are negotiable... |
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Posted by
wee_star
on 2008-04-01 16:10:39 |
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| I had a Brian, too. When things were good, they were great. But when things got hard, he made me feel like a bad person, and I wanted him to change some of his habits, and although it was the hardest thing I've ever done, I did leave him. It still hurts, a year later, but I also found and married my perfect guy. Even though it hurts and it's hard, it's also one of the most empowering things in the world to do, to leave the guy who you want to be right for you, but isn't. |
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Posted by
HungryHeart
on 2008-04-01 16:16:37 |
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| My advice to anyone is to not settle. It's not fair to you or the other person. I do believe that you can get what you want in life. It's just never easy, and the more important it is, the harder it is to get. |
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Posted by
Ellie2008
on 2008-04-01 18:47:09 |
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| Don't settle! I don't have to read the article (but will!) to know this. Must haves are important and usually non-negotiable. You will know when you are settling and when you're not. Your spirit will tell you. Off to read the article! |
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Posted by
prelude2it
on 2008-04-01 19:02:57 |
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| Thank you for all of your input. I like the idea of writing down the must haves and the must not haves. I see a clear must not have in Brian. Uggh. I really wish we had never moved in together, it would make things so much easier. |
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Posted by
Meredith
on 2008-04-02 11:03:40 |
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| I think the name "Brian" is simply cursed. I have three friends who are seeing and truly in love with a "Brian" yet are not happy in the relationship. Ugh!!! |
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Posted by
Fancie
on 2008-04-02 18:00:31 |
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Well I never had a Brian. But I had a Mark who was a real jerk, I'm not saying that the Brian's were that. But my Mark was. It almost killed me to leave him. But I had to for many reasons that I won'r go into.
But I don't think you should ever settle. I never read the article but I will.
Craig is my husband and we still love each other. We are trying to get things worked out so we can be together. He is not perfect. But then neither am I. |
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