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| Hoarding, Clutter & Nasty Smells
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While I was in NJ, I decided to help my uncle clean his house. My uncle lives with his sister Emilia, she likes to go by Emily in her old age. They live in a 2 bedroom condo which is pretty spacious by urban NJ standards. It's about 1200 square feet but you would never have been able to tell when you first walked in. They have a condition where they have become hoarders.
When you enter the foyer, there are boxes stacked to the ceiling to your left and a huge metal desk that hardly fits. The kitchen is pretty spacious, since it fits a regular dining room set with 6 chairs but he has added a china cabinet, which was stuffed with junk, a metal shelf like you see in garages which is stacked with food and a cabinet which he uses to store more junk. There are 2 pantries, one of them was stuffed and the other, you can't get to because they have stacked things in front of it.
The living room had so many boxes that you could not see that there was a couch. There was only one visible chair and even the TV had things on it. Off of the living room is the master bedroom. This had boxes on the furniture and behind the furniture; there was barely enough space to walk up to the bed. There were also 6 dining room chairs in that bedroom, some stacked, some not. The second bedroom where my aunt sleeps was the same or worse.
I had not been to my uncle's condo in almost 2 years and I was shocked to see the condition. My aunt Naty came with me and she was a huge help. When I started going through the boxes I discovered that most of them were full of paper. They had magazines and newspapers that were sometimes 10 years old. Other boxes had old mail and still others had empty containers. By empty containers I mean the plastic trays that meat comes on, empty yogurt cups and empty coffee containers. Everything had been cleaned but I could not understand the purpose of storing this stuff. We threw out enough to fill all 6 dumpsters available to us. Then I started moving some of the bigger stuff: an old recliner that was badly torn and had no life in it, multiple coffee tables, lamps, kids toys etc. There were also dozens of boxes in between all of this that were just folded.
While I am going through and throwing things out, my uncle who I am doing this for was getting upset because he said I was not paying attention to what I was throwing out. He was right, I wasn't. I felt that in order to make progress things had to be thrown out and anything that he needed could be replaced. There was so much stuff that I didn't have time to sort threw it.
At 1 pm on Friday, there was a garbage truck outside to pick up all of his things. The workers were great and gave us extra time in which we threw out a few more boxes. I was exhausted but what shocked me was what was left behind. When I returned upstairs I noticed that the couch we had uncovered had hundreds of mice and rat droppings on it. One of the boxes my aunt opened was full of live roaches. How do people that I love live like this? I was horrified. At the end of the day 3 boxes remained and they contained items that had to go in the kitchen.
I promised to return the following day and work on the kitchen. Lionel agreed but asked me not to touch his bedrooms. When I got back the next day, I lost all of my energy to help him as soon as I walked into the living room. There were 2 boxes and luggage stacked in front of the couch. Why would he do this? Can he really enjoy living in his house like this? He had cleaned all of the furniture that was left - couch 2 chairs and a recliner. I was frustrated but I emptied his china cabinet. What was in it? Bags - the kind they give you when you go to the grocery store and tons of small pieces of paper. Naty came with us and helped me fill the cabinet with the plates and cups that were stored in the boxes in the living room. My aunt Emily literaly stood guard, I think she was afraid I would throw something out she wanted. I threw out several large trash bags of junk. When I finished the china cabinet I was going to work on one of the cabinets but there was a strong rotting smell and I gave up. I told him that I thought there was a dead animal in the cabinet and that I was giving up.
I thought I would gain an understanding of why they are like this but I didn't. His brother, my other uncle has a neat house without clutter. None of us are like this. I get upset when things start looking cluttered and go crazy throwing stuff out or donating things. What I can figure out is why store all this junk? Why not realize that it's junk? It's not memorable items or items that are worth anything.
I'm afraid that if something happened to them, fire rescue would have a hard time getting into their apartment and getting one of them out. I worry about their health because I believe there has to be a mice or rat infestation. It's not fair to their neighbors that they live like this, I can imagine the issues they must have. I tried reasoning with both of them but instead we argued about why I thought they should not live like this. I explained that they were living like they had nothing but I could not get them to see my perspective. What am I missing?
My aunt and uncle live in a condo which is paid for. They both have a retirement/pension and although they are not rich, they have a nice savings and make enough to live a comfortable life. My uncle had a pretty normal house when I grew up.
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Posted by prelude2it on 2008-07-01 13:46:00 | Rating: | Views: 175
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Thanks Slapstick. I do understand why people hoard some things but they are to a bad extent.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-01 14:16:56
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How old is your aunt and uncle?
They may be showing signs of senility.
Its hard. My step-father did the same thing. When he passed I had to clean his room and closet. In his room there was so much junk in addition to 9 chandeliers(yes, you heard right) hanging from the ceiling, dozens of little wooden birdhouses and wind-chimes. Then there was his closet. Walk-in, you know almost the size of a small bedroom. It was stacked to my chest, and I'm tall (5'10"), from the door to the very back of the closet. I cleaned the room first, then threw out everything from the closet, sad thing is, it filled the room.
Anyway, there may be something medical going on with the both of them that should be checked into.
And with the critters around, it isnt healthy for them at all.
You are a good person for helping as much as you did. Every little bit does help.
But dont be discouraged when you go back and find just as much stuff if not more in the place of what was thrown out.
Hugs!
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-07-01 14:59:24
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Oh my gosh - some "vacation" you had! You did such a good job describing the conditioning of the house that I could really picture it and, all I can say is good grief!! I think I would have puked if I saw mice droppings and (ewww) live roaches. You are a gem.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-01 15:28:50
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1221dol - My Aunt and uncle are 80 and 70 respectively. It might be dementia for my aunt but my uncle is all there and seems to be aware of the issue. He just says he's overwhelmed but then when I want to help, it's like he's scared to toss stuff. Sounds like you had a mission cleaning out your step-father's room. I don't think I will ever get this way.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-01 15:39:28
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Thanks Meredith. I was really bothered with the condition. I'm not a gem, if I were I probably would not have given up but I did what I could. If it were up to me, I would dump it all.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-01 15:40:53
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lol! I'm not laughing at your family, I just love the word "hoarder."
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Posted by LuckyLuci
on 2008-07-01 23:16:17
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Wowww, you should be SAINTED! I love my family but I don't think I could endure that, and I totally agree with Meri, talk about good descriptions in this writing!
I actually just saw a Dr. Phil show about hoarders, and it's really some sort of mental/control issue and not really about the "stuff." So sad though, I don't know how people can live like that.
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-02 11:31:25
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Some people really can't stop hoarding. My BF's mom does it. It's crazy the stuff she has. It's not like just saving things at random, its about saving EVERYTHING. Things you don't even have use for. It's really sad. I am glad you were able to help them a little, but to be honest nothing will help unless they start to help themselves, and sometimes that means seeing a psychiatrist or getting some sort of help.
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Posted by KarKar
on 2008-07-02 13:44:17
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ugghhh I feel bad for you having to deal with all this but just reading it gave me the 'willies'... I ciouldn't imangin actually having to deal with it.
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Posted by LadiLucifer
on 2008-07-03 08:36:11
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Prelude, you have a heart of gold. Do you think your aunt and uncle are safe living alone? If the hoarding is a new thing, it could be indicative of a general mental decline???
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Posted by BlueMoonInMyEye
on 2008-07-03 11:56:16
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I saw a show that they made the actual horders throw out the stuff. If someone does it for them they feel out of control and will only find things to put in the empty spaces with time! The woman being made to go through her stuff and throw stuff out had many break downs during the process of throwing away the unbelievable piles of junk. She tried to bargin and find a reason to keep it all but they didn't let her.
Family came to help but had admitted they didn't know the house had become as bad as it was. They had stopped visiting when there was no where to sit or felt it was dangerous for their children to visit there. Also the womans car was piled up just like the house.
I hope it wasn't all in vain for you to work as hard as you did! I can't even imagine finding some of the grossness you came across.
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Posted by anotherdaze
on 2008-07-05 12:25:18
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I would have felt completely overwhelmed trying to make a dent in this mess. Sounds like something is amiss in your uncle's spirit as our outward surroundings reflect our internal state of mind. I'm learning there is much sorrow, regret, loneliness, grief and depression that live in the hearts of the elderly. Unfortunately they were raised in a time when it wasn't appropriate to see a counselor or talk about things. As I read this post no answers come to mind ... only concern. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-05 16:26:33
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I have seen numerous tv shows, like clean sweep and Oprah who show these places. The people who love there seem normal when they are outside of their home, usually dressed very neat and clean yet their homes are crawling with bugs and filled with clutter. It is an illness, and I feel sorry for them. That was quite a job you took on. I am surprised they let you in the house, normally people are to ashamed, but I did hear that the people really have a hard time getting rid of anything.
I too helped clean a cluttered house that belonged to and old aunts of my husbands, my sister in laws all helped with the dauntng project and the aunt was not happy! The kitchen did not have one area of clean space. It took us a few days and in no time it was a mess again. It really is a mystery! But you were so nice to roll up your sleaves and tackle the problem.
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Posted by roe
on 2008-07-05 19:19:09
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My Grandmother was similar. When she passed away my Mum and Dad went to help my grandfather clear away some of the cupboards and wardrobes where she kept things. There were plastic and paper bags from the shopping centre, there were boxes that held jewellary at one stage.
I was young, but I remember wondering the same thing - why would she live like this. My grandfather didn't care for any of it. So it got thrown away.
I too believe less is more. I prefer no clutter.
Btw - sorry I've been missing on your comments in your posts. I have been reading just not always commenting. I'm back to make up for that. I really appreciate you being a friend in here :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-27 04:39:21
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