Everything in life is about finding your balance and sometimes I struggle with finding mine. For example, when I moved here I felt very alone. I was living in a city where I knew no one and my only friend was an hour drive away. It made me really miss my life in Jacksonville, miss my ex and miss having people to do things with. At one point, I started to wonder how long it would be if something happened to me before anyone would notice. So I forced myself to start doing things and make friends. Now I have a lot of people to do things with.

So I feel like I sometimes struggle with keeping all of my balls in the air. Here's what I mean. I have different groups of friends and on Saturday night one of them is having a mumu's and martini's murder mystery, that she has been working on for months. I have to go to that. Saturday morning, I have the March of Dimes 6.5 mile walk. So Saturday is out for spending time with Bri. I wanted to go to the beach this weekend but I have a friend that invited me to go shopping a few weeks ago and I said yes. Therefore my weekend is pretty much full except for Friday evening which I usually spend relaxing or doing something more laid back. Brian tolerates my schedule but gets bothered at times when he wants to do something and I can't.  Here's an example:

Last night Brian told me he was going to go with his dad on a road trip and wanted to know if I could join them. They need to take a truck to his brother. My first thought was sure but then when we were going over the details, I realized that I can't because next weekend I have friends coming in from Naples, Gainesville and Orlando for a Girl's weekend here. He was thrilled with how much I plan but I explained that it wasn't me, they were coming in what was I suppose to say, sorry I don't make plans? So then he asked what if I move it to the following weekend? I said well that should work and then I thought about it and said no, I forgot that's my Orlando weekend with the girl's from Jax. He gave up on asking me to join him which I can understand and I gave up on giving him suggestions because I was going to suggest June and knew he would flip out.

Now here is the issue things are working out now and I have been pretty happy for the last few weeks but as you know, this hasn't been the trend. I don't want to cancel on friends for Brian, it's not nice and when I made most of the trip plans, we were pretty rocky and I was not sure we would still be seeing each other. I also get nervous about depending on him and then things not working out. 

Speaking of balance, if you read some of my comments on people's blogs, I have very little tolerance for insensitive people or people who cheat or are seeing someone who's married. I sometimes wish we could remove our comments because if I choose to read it that's fine but I don't have to comment. I think sometimes people are out of balance. I read some people's posts and I realize that they really need to do some personal growth and realize that if someone is talking about killing themselves, it's because they feel that sad and sometimes truly want a way out but don't know how. I have been there and I know how desperate and alone one can feel, I'm glad others have not experienced this but at the least they should have enough compassion to feel bad. As far as cheating, I have been on both sides of the fence with this one, if you have read My Story, you know that I was once the one cheating but I was 17 years old and although that doesn't excuse it, I realized how much pain I was causing people. I thought things had worked out but I have learned to believe in Karma and what you do to someone else, comes back to you and therefore I was eventually cheated on even if it was 9 years later. I felt more pain from that then I thought was possible. Now, I struggle with reading about people who are cheating, causing others pain and destroying families but keep going, hoping for that person to create a family with them. The truth is, I don't have to read it but I get worked up because I become compelled to. I probably should read it and quit commenting because we are all here for the same purpose to express ourselves and they have as much of a right to be here as I do.  I just need a little more balance in that area too I guess.