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For the last couple of days, I have been thinking that Brian has only done this once before where he distanced himself from me. It was when his exgirlfriend who is married moved to Largo. She moved a few blocks from him with her new husband. Brian was very confused about his feelings and he told me he did not know what he felt for me be. Since he had never done this, I believed him. Somebody close to him told me there was someone else and to please not tell him so I flat out asked him if there was. After a lot of avoiding, he finally said there was but that it was not why he was doing this.
This was all last year, we were on a trip to Miami where he met me for a business trip. We got back home and I was moving into the place I just moved out of. He helped me move and we stopped seeing each other. I saw him once or twice in the next 6 weeks but I completely stopped calling. It hurt like hell because I was very in love with him. I started going out and the pain of losing him started to ease a little. I even lost 13 lbs in those 6 weeks from excercising so much and hardly eating. Then out of no where he started trying, he said he realized I was the one for the rest of his life. He took me shopping for expensive jeans to make up for not being there for my birthday. He called every day and surprised me with cute cards or by showing up. He even told me that he loved me and he could not imagine his life without me. It was the first time, he said this and I believed it. Last October, he practically moved in and until around December, life was great. The problem is that when we were together, I didn't feel that he loved me for long. He could not keep up the act and therefore he stopped trying, he started getting into his computer and I basically lived in the same house but I hardly existed to him.
I should have listened to my inner voice and not taken him back last year around this time. I have always wondered whether he can truly change and I've thought the answer is yes, if he wants to but the problem is, he does not want to. He does not love me the way that I love him or the way that he loves someone else. I could not cheat on him and I feel guilty about a date when we are seeing each other even though he knows where we stand.
I know it should not matter, but it hurts like hell that he can just forget me. I know he's not the one but it was a lot easier when I knew he cared and when I did not think there was someone else. I am almost positive it's his ex again. She was supposedly pregnant with her husband but I know she keeps contacting him and he allows it which should have told me that he does not care about me the way that I want him to.
I wish that this did not hurt me and that I did not care. If I could be as hard as him, I would be a happier person. I could go from one to the next without caring of the damage I am doing to the people that love me. The other thing, I think of is why? R said he loved me, married me, did things that were very romantic and made me feel like I was special to him but he left me for someone else. Now Brian can do the same to me, why am I not something that either of them value enough to never do that to?
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Posted by prelude2it on 2008-07-16 09:42:02 | Rating: | Views: 140
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I wish I could answer those questions for you! It seems to me like Brian's ex has him on a string so she can call on him whenever she likes and then cut the string at will. I know it's no consolation but it seems like she's using him which, in the end, will mean he's no happier than you are. I know - you love him, so thinking about him unhappy does not make you feel better, but still. I think he's used to you always being around and taking him back and he's taking advantage of it now. I would say cut him loose, but I know you've got to make that decision for yourself and it's not easy.
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-16 10:28:12
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Thank you Meri, I had before and I already have now. It just hurts like hell to think of. I really don't want to go back to him, he's been a huge waste of time and I want someone that loves me like I love them. I could never knowingly hurt him.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-16 10:42:03
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It wasn't a waste of time. I am sure you had some great times with him so how could it be a waste? And, you learned more about what you need in a relationship. You also learned how far you are willing to go to make something work!
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Posted by Meredith
on 2008-07-16 12:12:16
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Yeah, I guess that's true. I wish I would have not let him come back in this time.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-16 12:42:46
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I, too, wish I could answer those two questions for you. I know you want to think that it is "you" but I think it is these two particular men just happened to not be good choices. We all make many bad decisions as far as the opposite sex goes, but ya know, the bad in the past is only going to intensify the good when you meet that right person. hugs!!!
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Posted by TheAlreadyJaded
on 2008-07-16 13:31:16
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Jaded - I hope you are right. I need to believe that.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-07-16 13:42:49
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Hey Prelude -- This has nothing to do with you. Brian is just not the type of man for you. And I know you already know that. Believe me, it does get easier.
And I agree with Mer... it wasn't a waste of time with Brian, because the time you spent with him, you also learned more about yourself and what you ACTUALLY WANT in a relationship...
It will come... :)
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Posted by helen1282
on 2008-07-16 19:08:01
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Actually P, you wouldn't be a happier person if you were as cold as him. You wouldn't be you and you would miss out on all the good stuff in store for you.
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Posted by overthehillandfar...
on 2008-07-17 07:44:05
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I can understand completely why you are so hurt and confused. I would be so upset if a guy told me that he realized I was the one for the rest of his life and then began acting the way Brian is now! I really feel for you and am sorry he is putting you through this.
Also, I have yet to hear of a guy changing for the better. Too many women, including myself, have or are sitting around waiting for "that" guy to change that we end up changing to accommodate for their inconsistent behavior, and soon we don't even know who we are anymore. Don't lose yourself and remember you are in charge of your own happiness. You can't ever be truly happy if you are depending on someone else to make you feel that way.
Finally, you will find someone who will love every aspect of you with all his heart. You are obviously better than Brian and R. Maybe they don't value themselves enough so that is why they aren't able to value anyone else enough to not put them through heartbreak. Don't think that their behavior has anything to do with you...they obviously have something wrong in their heads.
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Posted by nakedtruth
on 2008-07-17 10:39:09
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Agreement #2 ... Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
From "The Four Agreement" Don Miguel Ruiz
This post brought a tear to my eye. The advice given above is excellent so I have nothing new to add in that regard. The questions you ask are the questions I ask myself daily. Just last night I cried myself to sleep trying to figure out why I am not someone that anyone could value or respect? To walk around with a hard heart not caring about anything or anyone is not the path to happiness. While those types of people ("easy come ... easy go" types) may appear happy to outsiders ... they are miserable inside. What joy is there in living a life without passion or feeling. I'm a girl who has been given extra emotions and feelings ... much to the dismay of my family and acquaintances ... but I wouldn't have it any other way. What kind of world would we live in if no one possessed a compassionate caring heart? Certainly not a world I would want to live in.
You say "I know it shouldn't matter" .... yes it should matter. You love and care about someone who doesn't love and care in the same way you do. It hurts (a lot) when rejection comes 100 miles an hour at us. Sweetie, embrace all the beauty that is you ... there's a man who prayed, just this morning, for a woman such as yourself. God can never fill a hand or a heart that's hanging onto something from the past. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-17 12:05:53
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I am late, once again, sorry the 100/1000 has got me running crazy.
I think you need to look after you. We get caught up in what we think we should like ... and if it was easy to just let go, wouldn't it be so much easier! lol :)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-07-18 09:18:11
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I think we share a brain. I feel the exact same way about being "easily disposed of"......I guess it's natural, but it is still the suckiest feeling in the world. I have often wished that I could be that person, but fortunately, or unfortunately (I'm not sure), I can't. So I think the only thing for me to do is remember that when I love, I love hard and when I grieve, I grieve hard; since you are the same way, maybe we just need to be a bit more selective about who we choose to share our hearts with........I know...easier said than done.
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Posted by BlueMoonInMyEye
on 2008-07-18 11:24:51
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I was in the mall shopping for a picture frame for a relatively close friend of mine. She had just come home from her honeymoon and we were getting together this coming weekend to catch up and look at her photos . As I was walking into the store I made eye contact with her husband, surprisingly he approached me and we began speaking to one another. Now, I had only met him about three or four times before because after they met she stopped seeing many of her friends as with most new relationships. It was a brief dating period for them, in fact, they were married within five months of meeting each other. He was very pleasant, in fact he was overly nice and was leading into conversations that were making me feel a little uneasy. He started asking personal questions about my relationships and made an inquiry about me going out with a newly married man and how he could really show me a good time. He asked for my cellphone number and would not stop until I gave in,"WHAT A FOOL I AM" Now I don't know what to do, I can't tell my her because it will end my friendship for sure and I can't possibly go to her home and pretend this didn't happen. I confided with another close friend of mine and she told me about this site http://urajerk.com/ At first I thought is was just another one of those sites that pop up here and there but I checked it out. I must say I like it and thats why I am spreading the word. I was able to send him a few cards with some personal anonymous messages, he will know they are from me, but no one else will. I love this site because I can at least tell him that he is a F#%//ng JERK. Has anyone else gone through this crap before? How can men be such assholes? I mean JERKS!!
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Posted by lina4u
on 2008-07-29 06:43:43
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