I don't know why, but I say that  four times, religously on the first day of a new month. No, it isn't time to doubt me yet.

Well, my new stepper that I got, that broke too! I mean what the hell, I seriously cannot be killing these machines that much? So I've got to wait for a much more flashier and sturdier looking stepper to be delivered to me and make do with my Twist 'n' Tone, which i'm starting to really hate, every time i look at it, i mentally deliver it death threats. I do 10 mins which burns 125 calories, on average. I do 5-6 sets a day so I'm burning off 500-700 calories, and make sure I eat well within the limits. Although last night, I didn't.

Let me start with the birthday party I threw for mother. I got champagne, balloons, banners, poppers, music, lights, glitter, umbrellas for the cocktails, strawberries for the champagne, a cake, candles, etc all the tacky stuff which we LOVE and transformed it into a party in mums bedroom with a 70's album playing (courtesy of free downloading - thank you pleash) and I also bought us two tiaras, she had the Queen Bee one and I had the glittery pink princess one (my inner 5 year old came out) and we had a bloody blast. I got so drunk on champagne, it was fantastic, we was both prancing around the room to Dusty Springfield and Michael Jackson. I also made* a cake. Please note the star next to made. See, I was seriously planning to make the cake from scratch, as always, but I was so busted for time that I had to buy a Betty Crocker cake mix. I knoooow, it's terrible of me, it was the marble cake one, and I baked it and smothered it in her chocolate frosting as the birthday cake and damn it was good. Me and mum could not stop eating it. I actually kept most of it down but I did purge a little, I won't lie. So overall she had a fab birthday which I was very pleased about, and she came home with lots of presents from her friends, and she came home with a box of cakes. There was one cake in the box that stood out to me, I didn't care for the others. A bakewell tart. My weakness. It was hewge. No-one ate it, it sat in the box for two days, until last night, I heard some horrible, terrible news from the mister and i comfort ate, straight away. I didn't even bring it up, I was too depressed to. Now today is a new day, I'm not splurging out today like that, I've set myself a menu for today and I will continue to hope and pray for what I'm asking for today, just for today.

probs edit this later, i wanna finish watching Juno first.

EDIT.

Lipobind. Why didn't anyone tell me? Have you read about it? It's weirdly too simple. It removes up to 150 cals of your meal. To be honest my meals never go above 200 cals so I'm not sure if it's doing me good or not. But I'm gonna buy it anyway. I purged yesterday, but the way things are going right now, i'm not so bothered about it. All I eat is porridge, thanks to painful braces, yet it consists of roughly 150 cals per huge bowl packed with berries and a peach and fills me right up. So I usually have that with a 100 cal treat later (usually choc angel delight or any low cal dessert cream) but last night? I started watching Barefoot Contessa. Wow. This lady cooks the most amazing food and you can so tell she does not care about her weight, it's the food she loves and she shows it. She made these orange choc chunk cakes that just made me want to cry, THEN, she made a pastry tart with apples with crumble on the top. I realised I had all of those ingredients, so what did I do? Yep, knocked it up and made it in an hour and it was so good, I didn't even feel bad. Well, until I purged, but hey. So my calorie allowance of yesterday was roughly 450 cals. Every morning I work out until I've burned off about 700 cals (at least) i've done just that today, i'm going out at 2:30pm so I will  use my pedometer to count my steps, etc. I feel like i've gained way too much weight recently. I can still fit into my size 10 (UK size) jeans easily, and I need a belt to hold them up, but it's just still not feeling enough, I don't have that slim feeling, so I'm gonna bring it back I guess. I secretly threw out all the hidden chocolates I bought. I know, i'm terrible.

Blah I wish I had more time to write, but I decided I'm gonna create a recipe blog. I'm not gonna do it to convince people to eat like me, no-one should, this is my own fault, but I know there are some ladies out there who would love to know a couple of tips & etc, hey?

egg whites are go-go.

oh & i finally recieved Scrubs season 6 on DVD, hurrah!