I thought i done okay yesterday, mainly because i've suddenly turned ill, i have painful stomach pains and i throw up constantly and i'm not causing it. I felt so ill yesterday that i actually had to have something to line my stomach because i was so sore from vomiting that i made a egg mayo salad sandwich, just on regular bread and that was it, then after i felt okay, but bought that back up, then i my energy was down so i needed sugar fast so i grabbed a few chocs and that was it, so basically all i'm really consuming recently is chocolate, it's annoying. I feel slightly better but the pain is still there. Today, i'm being stupid and selfish and wasting food but theres such a big part of me thats excited. I haven't had any sort of fried food for about a year, i have been so good. Now, all of a sudden, i feel like your full english breakfast. I'm going to purge bigtime and then have coffee and one bowl of cereal and thats it. i know i am encouraging my behaviour, and i seriously am trying to fight this but when it seems this easy, it makes you weaker to fight.

how am i ever going to get out of this circle.

i'll update/edit later. it's only 8:58am and i've been up since 7am, cleaning my room and exercising. I'm gonna do another round of exercise again later too because of the whole purging thing, it's making me feel guilty as hell. Don't you just hate guilt? Makes me feel sick.

After I texted 'Isabella' yesterday saying i had to cancel on the night out but i did ask her if she wanted to come round to mine tonight, i did try but she hasn't even texted back. But then that makes me glad because the process is working.

9:00am sharp. Time for a bath and to start purging, i guess.

EDIT: 10:40am. I just done everything, I couldn't even finish the meal, I ate about half and I finished the whole process off, and call me stupid but i don't EVER want that meal or any of it's contents in my life again, thats sort of good news but then not really because that doesn't mean i can purge with any huge meal thing i've been craving. I'm on my first coffee now, i fell asleep suprisingly well after three coffees yesterday. I also have stomach pains again now :[

i bought it on myself. && happy october/