I can already tell today isn't going to go well, I can just feel it. It's 07:24am and I've been up since 6:30am. I couldn't sleep, I've got so much stuff on my mind about money and bills, I can barely sleep. And because of this, it's making me reach for weed a lil' too often for my liking. I have just literally got a problem in every direction. Mother has her phone off so I can't call her which I always do, so thats crap too. Still, I have just over half an hour to ramble on and digest my branflakes and crack on with the exercise.

I need to cancel my direct debits, stop thinking about food, seriously tidy up my bedroom, drink water by the 5 litre load, constantly apply for jobs and keep making porridge. I have to go to the stupid job centre, I made an appointment with a lady to find jobs, so lets see how that goes, eventhough I'm dreading it. My ex-boss hasn't even got back to my text. I asked him if I could pop into the office so he could sign a few things for my credit card company to prove i'm not lying in order to buy more shoes, and that just frustrates me even more. Argh. I shouldn't make today a bad day if I have no idea what it will turn out like. The really funny thing is, the day I returned to work, and found out about the redundancy, that morning I wrote down on a piece of paper something like ''please sort my work mess out and let me and mum be happy'' and that happened. I don't know, probably a coincedence, yet it doesn't feel like it. Ever since this has happened, I've had a peculiar feeling about it all along, like this was almost supposed to be, i'm going in the right direction or something.

Food is playing a big part in me not being at work and I hate it. I haven't gained any weight although I feel like it. I don't want to purge anymore, just eat really healthy and stick to it, but I've been really bad and allowing myself 1 chocolate bar (it's only 164 cals and fits in with my daily calorie allowance) but I still feel bad! I have such a sweet tooth recently, I may be due on, I hope so, it will make this thing more tolerable but I'm not going to buy any more chocolate. Well, theres no need after mother came home with a Aero bar the size of the front door yesterday to 'suprise' me. Hm. Well, I'm a sucker for chocolate, so I could either totally banish it and just blitz it from the house, OR have my piece of the bar (a small piece) and savour it but thats it, when that bar is gone, there will be no more. Meh, I'll see. My daily diet is now something like a teeny bowl of branflakes at 7amish, porridge with stewed fruit about 12/1pm and then an egg white omelette with a mullerlight yogurt and maybe some choc after. I'm really trying not to eat so late, but I've gotten into the habit of snuggling up in bed with a magazine and eating my yogurt or any other low cal treat, watch the tv and start to snooze off! Honestly, I've become a grandma recently that I might as well see what knitting feels like, the cat could do with some booties.

07:37am and I don't feel like I can write anymore. I now have exercise to look forward to, half hour that ends in sweat, mmnice.