Yesterday, I started therapy, with a lady called Torba. It was quite a long session, and I seriously cannot believe how much I spoke. I'll edit soon.

EDIT.

I really hate how much time work consumes. I feel like it's slipping away so fast that I can't grab it, like I'm sinking. Anyway, about Torba. I've seen her twice now, third tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to it. I know it sounds dramatic and typical, but counselling is... I'm not sure what to say, it's hard yet easy. It's easy for me to relay my memories but hard to deal with the feelings that come with them. Both times I've cried, and it didn't feel like my nomal, general crying, it felt like deep crying, as if it was coming from my soul. Of course, snot decided to make an appearance too.

I actually checked my weight again last week and I've lost half a stone, I'm so thrilled, I'm at my perfect weight now and I'm delighted. I know the way I've achieved isn't good at all, but I can't break old habits. I barely eat within the weekdays but have a huge bowl of melon at 7ish and then a yogurt and something sweet, it feels bad and forbidden but I have to remember that all I've eaten for the day was a bowl of cereal for breakfast and thats it, maybe grapes but thats it.

Things with mister have died, sadly. He decided that he couldn't be bothered with me anymore and has been rather emotionally vicious to me, which is so unlike him. Everytime I think about whats happened, my heart goes cold and my eyes sting, I can't allow myself to wallow in this and be sad, I have to block it out, I will not let him make me feel absolutely disgusting for months on end just because he thought I wasn't good enough anymore, he can eff rrrrrrrrrright of. I guess my emotions have been affecting my food choice though. I've been skipping food and sometimes just eating sweet things. Chocolate, cake, etc. But only to a certain extent, within my calorie intake I mean. I make sure I exercise off at least 1000 calories a day and usually never go above 500 the very, very highest.

I love the warm weather, it gives me hope again, I can't wait for me and mother to go a theme park, Thorpe it seems, she hasn't been there yet (i have) so I know she will love it, I know it sounds strange, going to a theme park with just your mum but we have such a laugh, it's always the best time to go. Of course, Theme parks offer lovely, mouth-watering treats for you to indulge in. I've already planned ahead, sadly. Yes thats right, I did, and I am sad for it but I don'ty carey. They have a Cafe Nero there, where I can purchase a lovely hewge fruit salad to munch on, with an Innocent smoothie. And my naughty treat will be a hot waffle with two scoops of ice cream (chocolate & vanilla) Mother said she will share with me too which is a big help so I don't even have to feel bad, so woohoo for me. Last time I had that dessert was in Greece, on a Greek island with my Dad, and others, called Spetsas, very boring, never go there unless you enjoy your apartment being on the steepest hills that you actually have a choice of walking or hiring a donkey to take you up, and then having the most perviest waiters going, asking you if you care to join them round the back, after dinner? I actually wouldn't of minded if there was some alcohol action going on but as usual, dad went berserk and nearly killed all of them with one fist, similar to a bowling alley knockout thing. Ho-hum, Greek dads ey?

Woohoo for Scrubs finally being aired again, I love it, I can't watch enough of it, I'm so scared as to what the ending could be.

7:51pm, melon time.