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it's a new day.

Since yesterday, me and the mister have been constantly texting, he said 'lets just wait and see how you get on' i know what that means. he thinks i'm going to be terrified that he isn't by my side so i'm going to do everything in my power to beat bulimia and he'll come right back, snug as a bug.

arf.

I do want to beat it and if i wish to lose weight, i damn well better understand that it involves exercise and the right food. you can really see my ribs but i have a stupid gut belly still which is pissing me the hell off. but anyway, were on a good page, everything seems so much better today. i will fight.

yesterday was just the shittiest day i've had in a while. people harassed me on the way home, i argued with someone, when i got home i couldn't find anything to wear for work so i got in a stress and when i did find something, i put it in the washing machine but then the washing machine wouldn't work and i went crazy! My mum had to sort it out for me.

Just went to bed with a kit kat chunky in my belly with a can of lemonade. lemonade fills me up, chocolate satisfies my sweet cravings so i don't end up baking a cake and yamming it down myself.

I've got doctors on monday, i'm thinking about how to say it to my doctor so much that i'm wondering if i'm just exagerrating but then i have to realise that it isn't a game, it's serious and frustrating.

I don't plan to eat anything today other than my usual chocolate and fizzy drink, i know its bad, but for some reason, my body doesn't want to eat, it just wants the bare minimum and it makes me feel better for not throwing up but by just eating a choc bar and a can of fizzy doesn't do much wonder either. i think i may be entering a no food mode which is absolutely stupid because i cannot get like that. i adore food, i constantly watch the food channel, mull over recipes, always cooking home meals for the family (then secretly purge) but argh, it's just so annoying.

but i must focus that today is a new day.