I was almost expecting it, and I was right. I got home from work yesterday (I didn't leave until 6:30pm, I was so pissed) and got changed, took my make up off, grabbed a usual lemonade until mum speaks up. ''I got you a little treat..'' I know what little treats are, it's something sweet. As much as I seriously love mum always getting treats for me, it just had to be on this day. It was Lindt chocolate. Orange Lindt chocolate. Torture much? It was only 5 little individual wrapped chocolates so I had them and I was gonna have my lemonade with them and that was it. But oh no, thats not good enough for me, I had to break whilst not even obsessing with food! So I had a look around in the fridge and cupboard, I was going to have a corn beef salad sandwich because I thought if I'm going to do this, I need to do it right, but nope, screw that because the sausage rolls made themselves known to me. I don't even like sausage rolls for god sake, I just fancied some with ketchup and I have no idea why! I got some pregnancy cravings going on (and no, no chance I can be pregnant as much as ''it will never happen to me'' -ish that sounded) AND THEN!? I also saw there were packets of spring rolls (egg rolls), samosas, and onion bhaji's, little miniture ones, 8 in each packet. So i took one of each and threw that lot into the microwave, waiting with the ketchup in my hand looking like a mad woman. I ate them down, so devoured it, then you can guess what happened, I purged. I'm so angry at myself because I so easily allowed it to happen, I didn't even try do the mental talk to yourself thing, I was somehow already believing myself that it will be okay.

So this morning, I told mum what I done last night and we spoke about it, and she had an idea, she asked what do i usually consume in a day and i said a bowl of cereal and a lemonade, anything else i bring up but i don't want to anymore, she knew that. She suggested I have the same lemonade and cereal, but later on when i get home, i have a brown bread baguette sandwich. As soon as she said that i know my face changed expression because she put her hand up as if to explain herself, she did. She explained that it will be a large baguette because it's her idea and she wants me to eat (fair enough) and it will have a tuna mayo salad and thats it, i don't have absolutely nothing else, she will hide the sweet stuff in her room to help me out, I don't go in there because of her boyfriend. I know at least one person is thinking she is encouraging me, but she honestly isn't, shes trying to see things from my point of view which is fucked up as it is, but like i said, i aim for 500 or less cals a day, the sandwich idea seems to cover it, it's a start, right? I just wish i mentally understood that as soon as i eat something i do not automatically gain weight. It would be handy knowing though, wouldn't it?

Remember my previous blog of the skinny jeans in a size 12? still a good fit, although kinda loose now, already! I'm not complaining because i'm thrilled but I love these jeans, I wanted a good year out of them. I put the belt on at its tightest and they are still loose. I won't even think about trying on a size 10, i'm not stupid, i know for a fact i could never fit a size 10. although i'm a size 12 for the first time in my life for ever. Even my shoes are  loose on me now.

I have work until 1pm today (I so hope, please pray for me!) I need to get out of here so I can go home, have a massive bath and re-do my fake tan, it's starting to fade, and I have not heard from 'Isabella' I was supposed to text her but seeing as I have not heard from her also, I take it me pulling away is working.

Have a lovely sunday.

EDIT: I'm going home in an hour! (1pm) My boss is the best, I'm so happy :]