I've disliked the past three days so much, that I really don't want to write about it, but I have to so I can get it out of my system and then maybe the black cloud will piss off.

Friday, I should of been paid. D'you think it happened? I even asked my boss that day, and he said yeah, but nothing. I had to leave work early that day to go home and wait for the Gas guy to come round and fix the boiler, we had no hot water or heating, I had to wait from 1pm to 8pm, and he didn't come until after 6pm, I hate that! Anyway, so I didn't get paid, and my boss was apprehensive about letting me go home to wait for the boiler guy, I could really tell he thought I was lying, and spun me the story about the boy who cried wolf. Yes, I am aware of the story you stupid fucker, but it has no relevance to me, I'm not trying to leave early for the sake of it, I want hot water and heating, what else could I do? Mum couldn't get out of work which is why she asked me, otherwise the whole situation wouldn't of happened. I ended up texting my boss, which I know, seems so rude of me to do, and I asked him if I would get paid tonight, then he replied saying it's rude to remind him to pay me. Well if I owned a company, and there was a certain day that everyone gets paid, I would do it, I wouldn't hold any personal grudges in it or anything, them people worked for their money, therefore they are entitled to their pay. My boss did not pay me until 4:30pm saturday. I texted him again, explaining to him that I've got bills that needed paying, but because no money was there, the direct debit has been taken and now my account is in arrears, and me and mum had no food! We have never been in a situation like that before, but it is January, of course were gonna be a bit poor but it was so horrible waiting for that money. My boss texted back saying he has the same problems too, well if thats the case, then pay me on time as he can understand where i am coming from. I am just so mad. I'm back at work tomorrow, and the past three days i've felt so bad and guilty for badgering him for my pay, but because he didn't pay me on time, I've now lost out on over £100 in bank charges, £100 + just gone, like that. I'm so pissed off. Fuck it, I have nothing bad to feel about.

Now today, I just want peace and quiet, I really do. But the mister wants to come around at 2pm and stay until I go bed. As much as I love him and I haven't seen him for a week, today I really want my space and time on my own, i'm going to suffocate with him around me for all that time. I also wanted time with mum later so I could just talk shit through with her, she always helps me out.

09:09am. I done my exercise, I got my hair wash and bath to have and sort out what to do with him. Hopefully he will leave earlier. I know I sound mean but I really need space to get my head clear.

meh, edit later.

EDITEDITEDIT:

Well. I went to work, and I didn't get fired, oh no, of course not, I got made redundant instead. The company has gone bankrupt. Isn't that just so typical for me? And believe me, I am not even exaggerating. So, my days have been filled up with many tears of anger and shock and then replaced with hate and sometimes a bit of optimism poked in and out. The biggest question for me is just a big fat 'WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!?!?!?!?!?' which does hurt my mind. I'm stuck, and I'm fucked, basically. I've been crazily applying for jobs and have to figure a way out. I'm so fed up, I really am, I can't believe I have to go through this bollocks. It's like God and whoever else is doing the flippin' running man on my good luck box, as it's all ran out. Actually, scratch that, I'm petrified. I have never depended on my money as much as I do now and it's just been taken from me. The terrible thing is that I saw the bankrupty coming, I could just feel it, he was way out of line with his spending. But what can I do now? Remain positive and just find a job. I've got no other choice. I've ended up working for more than half an hour to an hour a day now, frightened not being active will show, and theres no way i'm letting that happen, so I have to be back on a strict, disgustingly hungry diet until I can find my feet again.

Another thing, we so nearly won the lottery last night, we just needed one more number to win serious cash, but no, stupid sods law prevented that too.

''you can't go looking for fate, it has to come to you!''