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| Happy Anniversary, to me. EDITED. |
Today, is my 8 year anniversary with the mister. I'd like to say that I have plans for it, but I don't. He has really let me down. I struggled all week to make plans for today, and nothing. The best bit is, he isn't even bothered. I don't even want to go into it. He hasn't texted or called me since his text this morning.
Well, since last monday, I've been single. I am such an idiot it's unreal. He decided, AGAIN, that things aren't working out, when it wasn't really the case at all. We had a bad arguement, things didn't go his way, unable to handle it so he finished. Forget what I think or feel, obviously my emotions don't matter enough. He just aired his opinion then decided were over and has cut me off, I haven't heard from him since. I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of crying one minute then feeling calm the minute after. I'm tired of treading on egg shells making sure I don't anger him and I'm tired of being messed around with. One minute were on, then were off. Fuck this, I don't need this shit at all. (double swear word, one sentence, I'm angry right?) Where does he get off? Does he think he is a god or something? I'm done with it, I have to be, because if this isn't the last time where I go through this and he makes me feel like this, then I'm not the person I thought I am and I just allow anyone to treat me like rubbish. I'm not having it anymore, at all. I feel quite stupid in front of my own mother, I feel that embarrassed and ashamed to even cry about it in front of her. I haven't told any of my friends, not that they need to, but I just feel so shameful.
I will obviously get back to that paragraph because I'm no where done venting about the arsehole.
Other news? I got so drenched by the rain yesterday that I had to actually stop at the side of the pavement, remove my boot, pour out excess water, and repeat the exercise every other 20 minutes or so. I had prune fingers, people.
I love baking, it does brighten up my day.
I've lost weight probably because I feel too gutted to eat properly, even mother has commented on my weight. In fact, she cried, worried that I'm slowly trying to kill myself. My hair is very thin now, but I can't fight my eating habits anymore, I'm bulimic and anorexic, ana more than bulimia, but not that it makes much difference. I'm destroying myself and I don't think I care very much anymore. I only allow myself to eat after 6pm. I have breakfast which is two egg whites and thats it. I've sort of already planned my eating for the upcoming week, I'm just barely going to eat, I don't want to, I'm fed up with concentrating on the food I'm eating, I wish I could just enjoy it for what it is, but no, not with me.
Hurrah for relaxing Sundays and whatnot. I'm going to have a big luxurious bath and sort this page out properly another day.
EDIT.
Well, well, well x a trillion. I hope someone is clutching a glass of vodka for me whilst reading this. Who texted me? Him. What did he say? 'Hey, I kinda realised that I didn't listen to what you had to say and I feel like I didn't give it a chance to be discussed properly so I was wondering if we could meet up for a coffee and go from there, plus I miss you.' Don't you just want to scream? Who the HELL does he think he is!? As soon as I read that text I just threw my phone to the wall. But no worries, he doesn't deserve my time at all b ut I'm very curious to hear what he has to say. He has never made a move like this, but the thing that I've realised and it saddens me is that it's too late. He has gutted me so bad that I'm past it, I don't care much anymore and I feel like I don't want to go there again, I've learned my lesson and I love him, but I love me more.
Going back on food issues, I've sort of switched up how I eat. I eat after 6pm but not my main food anymore, just a little sweet thing for my sweet tooth but it's proving successful, I feel much better for it infact but I'll explain this all on my Christmas version of my blog
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Posted by poppyxstars on 2008-10-30 08:14:26 | Rating: | Views: 135
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