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I count calories on absolutely everything.
Even if I'm not going to eat it, doesn't matter, I still need to know. For example, all the cereals in the house, are less than 200 cals per 30gr bowl with 125ml of milk. 200 cals sounds very high to me, but I stick to it, if I am replacing meals with cereals, I'll have a decent sized bowl so I can feel full at the end and i'll shut up. If I ever somehow end up eating a meal like a jacket potato with salad, believe me I will weigh out that potato and work out it's calorie content and go from there, deciding how many more calories will I let on my plate. I won't even eat something if it's small and over a 100 cals. Unless I'm going to purge so it doesn't matter, but I moniter every single calorie. Even in tomatoes, tomato ketchup, low fat yogurts, milk, etc. It is so annoying but in a way, I'm sort of glad I know so I know what foods to steer from, but the one thing that pisses me is oil! Olive oil is beautiful but the bottle we got here is so high in calories! I even went to a Pik 'N' Mix and monitered every single calorie in each sweet and filled up that bag up to 300 calories. That lasted nearly an hour, I was even telling myself this is such a waste of time, but I went through it anyway, with 300 cals of mini chocolates. I'm crazy.
I monitered everything that I ate, constantly overthought it, and it paid off. All I ate yesterday was two bowls of cereal (172 cal roughly a bowl inc. skim milk) and a Weightwatchers dessert which was a 100 calories but I didn't finish it off. That was all I ate, I felt so proud of myself, I even told mum I'm not having the dinner she makes (which was steak) I declined and stuck to my bowl of cereal and I felt so in control and I don't even have to worry about yesterday, I feel light, if that makes sense.
Which brings us to today. Sunday, morning actually, 08:23 am. I can't help the early mornings dammit. Sunday, is famous for the united meal mostly everyone shares in the UK, a Roast Dinner. Todays version is roast pork chops, potatoes, carrots and other various veg. I never cook any of that stuff in oil so I know it isn't a calorific meal, and to be honest, a part of me wants to just eat that meal today and thats it. But I need to fight to keep it that way. I haven't even drank my first coffee yet, so maybe this is why I feel so hungry but I'm craving scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast, but I can't. I'm getting so paranoid but I swear my hair is getting more thinner, I don't know what to do, I feel lost. I'm not on top of the game anymore. But the thing is, I can do this. All I have to do is keep drinking liquids, keep myself busy and I'll be eating by 3pm! (we eat early on sundays, I don't really know why) and that is it, I'll have food lined in my stomach so all I have to do is just keep drinking fluids. I'm hoping the dinner won't be no more than 500 cals (on my plate).
Non food wise, I'm working this weekend and yesterday (sat) I just got up at 7am, got ready quickly and left the house after 8am but before half past, I was going to go to the office to pick up the appointments book and the mobile phone, my boss was out of the country until thursday, I'm so sure it's fine, so I quickly tidied up the office, grabbed what I needed and started walking through the shops to the bus stop, I was home before 9:30am, how great! After trying to call the other electrician who is still in the frickin' country and found out his phone was turned off, I realised why, he was escaping work this weekend, our boss was away, having fun, so he was too. Anyway hardly anyone has been ringing, well until now, but thats silly, I'm not picking up to someone at 8:30am, 'arf. So I'm at home today again which I am very grateful for, working weekends is not bad at all. All my plans for today is knock out 50 more cals on the exercise front (I know, one day i will explain) and then research the whole New York stuff, make dinner, (gulp) a lil' more fake tan and figure out this whole eating plan thing, maybe I need calcium tablets and other supplements, that will help out my hair maybe. I'll have a look at online pharmacies or something, go to the chemist or whatevs.
I think mums boyfriend is going to move out soon, they haven't been getting on very well anymore. I do like him, he can be a nice person when he feels like it, overly consumes alcohol and shouts at the telly too much, but he was decent, he used to a horrible person in the past but now, hes better, mum treats him like shit because of it and I can't blame her for it, but I'm so sensitive that I worry about his feelings, if he feels hurt by the remarks mum said to him, but then I remember he said a lot worse to her in the past, but whatever, if he does, I know mum will hardly use the front room anymore, she loves her bedroom but her boyfriend is always sitting in there watching football so she never has a chance, but anyway, I can form the front room into a gym! I know it sounds crazy, but it is cheaper than gym (in the long run) and I will feel SO much MORE comfortable, because I'm in my own home, no strangers about, just me working out. I did say, if I went to the gym regular I would feel better about myself and most probably consume a healthy diet, I know it seems stupid that just a gym can totally change my eating habits just like *that* but I can't just join a gym and go, I don't have the self confidence for that. I've been to two different gyms, the first one was so shameful and embarrassing. I knew almost every face in there, a couple of guys I grew up with (but no longer like) worked in there, catty girls, guys I knew actually working in the gym part, not being shown what to do or use (I was too embarrassed to ask) so then I just left that place, and moved onto my second gym, a much more classier place and I never felt uncomfortable there, well I did, but that was just me, no one was causing it, I even took mum there for a day and we threw our bikinis on and used the steam room, the jacuzzi, and the vapour room, it was amazing. I did have a personal trainer, was so awkward but that was one time and over. It was a good gym, I felt okay there but I just left my job so I didn't have the funds for it. But thinking of it now, now I do have the money but I would so much more rather get a home gym, wouldn't you? I gotta figure this out. Find out what machines I need and calculate. Crap, I need mum to agree to it though, and the fact that I'm paying about £600 to get my room redecorated has to be considered but I can easily afford it. Hm.
I need to hoover now, then apply that fake tan after my bath. I hate exercise videos btw.
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Posted by poppyxstars on 2007-10-14 01:50:11 | Rating: | Views: 304
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ma dear, I have found alfalfa sprouts to be low in calories and high in vitamins and minerals... they are filling and cheap too.
Lots of love,
Becca
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Posted by islandstorm
on 2007-11-29 11:29:19
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