Why are all these black women hatin?
I see their eyes pop out like gangsters
Every time I say the words
Inter-racial dating
I’m all for multi-culture and equality
Yet you act like my blackness should be an automated monopoly

“Fighting Black” Poetic7 2006

That’s just the opening segment of a poem on the topic of if you hadn’t guessed it, inter racial relationships. It is a topic that seems to surface at least once a year in my work and a few more than that in open discussion. Am I obsessed with the subject? No, but it is one that can get heated depending on who you talk to. I speak not for every black male that walks but as an individual whose open mind feels the draught. There undoubtedly will be some people that agree with me and some that don’t but this is expression and this is my platform – take whatever is for you and leave the rest.

Now on many occasions I have so much as hinted a liking for non black females and been stoned. It at times seems like it is a crime worse than any you can think of – even to some black females an ultimate disrespect for the culture. I am very much in touch with my culture I don‘t necessarily subscribe to Afro –centrism or various forms militant blackness but I am truly aware of what’s going on around me as far as my culture is going on.
In all honesty I have found myself at times on the fence because on the one hand I can see what my peers are talking about when they show me the “pitfalls” of such unions. If you haven’t heard the views on offer then ask someone to lend you a copy of Spike Lee’s film Jungle Fever – it was made when I was very young but the views really have not changed. I have seen theory in action so I can in many ways agree with my peers. Every culture wants to multiply from within and I can understand that and I’m not sure if what is said about IR relations is as venomous now as it was in the Windrush Era when people came to England form the Caribbean but the venom still seems to grip me.

I am more your intellectual type and not your athlete or composite musician/ performer yet I’m considered as the type barring another family member most likely to settle outside of my culture. I have been on the end of many a –“don’t you know you a valuable black man” speeches. In fact Henry V could not have given better himself. All I have to ask is REALLY – does she have to be black???


Now following on from the opening few lines of poetry at the start of the piece, here’s the rest of the first section

The thing is…
I’m a man and I’ll never blame a white girl for being fine
I wont mind if she makes a beeline for a piece of my peace of mind
Yes we’ll wine and dine you may fear we’ll settle down
Maybe you’ll learn not to throw your weight around
Crush a brother like society
Unite and contrive to keep a brother down
It’s so…unfounded that we always want it…easy
Killing theory as I strive to please thee
I want a woman who doesn’t think she’s too good to please me
And really…
It aint just you should have it all
A man who’s Morris chestnut, usher
Who can deck you out better than Harrods entrance hall at Christmas

On reading that you might think that I would date a non black female – in this case someone classes as white – just to spite my culture. Indeed that is not the case but the view is one of absolute frustration. It echoes the sentiments of a number of black men that are tired of hearing that there are no good black men out there and that non black females seem to cherry pick the most successful ones. Comedian Katt Williams said in his 2007 film American Hustle,

“If your with us you are with us – if not get yourself a girlfriend and shut up about there not being any good n****s”

While I abhor the use of the N word, he has a point because for me, relationships are all about what you are prepared to compromise on. I have noticed in many IR relationships that there is a swing in terms of culture one way or the other – naturally these things depend on the individual investment in ones own culture in relation to the one being taken on. Thinking about my own experience in dating outside of my culture, from a lifestyle/ culture perspective I saw some glaring compatibility issues. For the period that we went out we enjoyed each others company on a level. Relationships are transactions that have to be negotiated and yes there are certain idiosyncrasies that each culture holds but then I ask – how much of the “knowledge is power” statement can we apply? Because a black woman is naturally bathed in her culture does it mean she has the knowledge will make them the undisputed best match for the black male? Throw in a few variables like, working environment, social circles and sub-cultural views and the answer is ...no not really.


I leave you with the piece that was written immediately after I watched Jungle Fever- simply entitled “Inspired by Spike Lee”.

She hate me because she thinks I got jungle fever
From my school daze she’s saying I’ll be successful and leave her
I aint been hanging with bad boys or living in crooklyn
I don’t wanna be an entry in the diary of a mad black woman
They say do the right thing and analyze this
Your Love Jones excursion will bring you bride and prejudice
Make you Mr & Mrs Smith
And if you get on the bus to your own American history X
You’ll lose your identity the Friday after next
And they’ll say though he got game for all those Clockers
He’ll Get rich and die trying to be The last king of Scotland
You can take that as The Gospel he’ll be forever playing dodgeball
For getting with Syriana claiming he’s just a dark Obama
But I can do Badd all by myself without a help or Hitch
My Big Fat Greek Wedding may cause fever pitch
So fall on your swordfish and die another day
Cos there’s mo better blues when we let love choose regardless of race