Thoughts.com Blogs - A Family Broken and Bewildered- part 1

Yesterday was super surreal for my family. I will try my best to lay it all out as it happened to give the clearest picture.

About 10am, May 1st, as Sawyer and I were headed to the van to go play at Target I received a phone call from an out of state number. Usually I don't pick these up but I did this time- knowing that I had family out of state. I said "Hello" and this woman responded, speaking very quickly with a thick southern accent, "This is so-and-so and I work at such-and-such, we have your mother here she's been shot." My heart dropped, I began to somewhat hyperventilate but pushed for more information. She told me, "Apparently there was an altercation between your mother and your grandmother and the old man shot them." The first thought was "WHAT THE HELL?!?!" followed directly by "there was no altercation between my mom and granny... it was Coy!" The woman proceeded in telling me that my mother was fine, she'll be fine, that they couldn't get in touch with my dad and that I could speak to her if I wanted. I ABSOLUTELY WANTED TO TALK TO MY MOTHER! So, my mom got on the phone and once I heard her voice I really started hyperventilating... but I still had composure as I had Sawyer in my arms. My mom kept telling me, "Coral, remain calm, I'm okay... I had to run out of the house... I don't know about Jackie.... I don't know about Jackie." (Jackie is her sister, my aunt) Mom had to give the phone back to the nurse who began reassuring me that my mom was fine and told me they were going to air lift her to OU Medical Center in Oklahoma City. I remember repeating all those details in the hopes that I would remember as I passed on the information to other family members. She hung up with me.
I immediately called WCHS to get in touch with my uncle, Steve, to let him know he needed to get in contact with someone down there but that I didn't have any information for them. I remember telling him, "Uncle Steve, my mom's been shot... she's okay but we don't know about Jackie... we don't know.... I don't have any one's information...." We hung up and I continued driving in the direction of my dad- the LMPO.
I tried calling my dad's cell phone of which there was no answer. I asked God to please have me remember his work number as I'd not called it in at least 8 years. He answered that prayer and I got through to my dad. After I told him something similar to what I'd told Steve his response was "Oh shit!" He said he would be leaving work and we agreed to meet at his house. I remember having to verbally tell myself to turn the van around. All this time I'm trying to talk to Sawyer in the most calm voice I could muster... a difficult task but one that helped me stay grounded and focused to handle this situation appropriately.
Sawyer and I arrived at the house and I was greeted with a dirty diaper... reality check. So, I was handling that when dad got home. He came in to where I was changing Sawyer and had these doe eyes and the look of "Tell me everything." By this time I've calmed down and am able to recount the story with accuracy and reassurance to him that his wife was fine. He had missed me telling him earlier that I had actually spoken to mom and once that sunk in his demeanor shifted a little.
I gave him the number that was on my cell phone from the ER so he could start gathering more information and we could hopefully fill in the blanks. He called and gave all the buzz words like "I'm Barrie XXXXXX"... "My wife Debbie XXXXXXX"... "gunshot victim".... He was quickly transferred but for some reason was not able to speak with my mom. I think the doctors may have been 'working her up' but he was able to talk to Tom, my mom's cousin, who was able to give my dad more details. I don't know who called him or how he was first involved. I do know that we are so glad he was there as we have a good relationship with him. It was then that we learned that my aunt had been murdered. My dad asked Tom, "What about Jackie?" and he went white. I knew. I became hysterical for the first time all morning and my poor son felt that effect. I could no longer stand and thankfully I had been positioned near a wall so that I could fall against it and slide myself to the floor since I was holding my son. I remember crying out "Daddy... what's going on?!?!?!?" That question was directed more to the state of this world than the details of the event. My dad also lost his strength and shortly we were both sitting on the floor holding each other as he was still listening to Tom give some information. I think at this point my uncle had been told about his wife and he was heading to his son, Nate, in Irvine- where he works.
We had this fleeting intense emotional moment and it was off to the races. Our minds were swimming with the who-to-calls and the what-to-says and the how-do-I-get-there-from-heres. Dad started calling family and friends- some were forgotten because of our mental state but I think everyone has been caught up for the most part. I started making travel arrangements for my dad and Steve- one way plane tickets and a rental car. By 1pm I realized that we hadn't eaten so I made everyone stop and tell me what they wanted to eat and I made a MacDonald's run.
Nate (my cousin) drove Steve over to the house and we were all certainly in shock but also remarkably lucid. Nate decided to not travel with us to the airport as is grieving looks different then ours and I opted to give him his space.
On the way home from the airport I was fielding calls and still gathering some information. Jake (my husband) and I had planned to drop our son off at my in-laws and also have supper with them as family is valuable in these times. That would happen later in the evening... first we had to get home, answer some emails, field some more calls and text messages, pack up a baby for who knows how many days and then head off to Orange in the tail end of rush hour traffic. Along with all of that i sat down to the computer to create the mass email I sent out in hopes of catching everyone up and stomping out any potential rumors. I was "in the soup" and therefore could be counted on as an adequate and accurate source. It was quite therapeutic for me and I hope it was helpful for those who read it.
Dinner at the in-laws went well. More story sharing, eating but not really tasting anything and then leaving our baby in capable hands because we can't parent him properly at this moment. It was a good decision for us and also heeded advice.
As Jake and I lay in bed talking through the days events the emotions begin to overwhelm us. the sorrow, the pain, the anger, the disbelief, the questioning, the peace, the joy of knowing my aunt is no longer broken... she has her perfect body in Heaven and my family has one more guardian angel!
As I was going through this emotional moment I talked to Jakie. She told me "Hey Kid, I'm fine. If only you could see me now!" She told me to find peace, be strong and that she would always be watching. I told her many things... "I'll tell Sawyer about you" and "I'll be here for Nate and Steve" and "I love you." She sat with me just a bit and then told me "I have to go now, Nathan needs me." Even as I write this my eyes begin to water and my heart grows heavy for she was always more than an aunt to me.
Jake and I laid in bed praying and sobbing together- allowing ourselves to feel the emotions and feel them completely. This is the only way to work through the grief. Praise God that he does not give us all of it at once.
More to come.