How is it that a woman can get to 23 and not have clue who she is, what she wants to do and where she wants to be? No passions, no interests, nothing. Just living day to day like the day before and the day after. I'm sure I'm not the only one but how can it happen? Here are the things I know about myself:

1. I have a partner who basically passivly controls my life

2. I have depression and socially phobias

3. I can be organised, motivated and energetic...one day a year.

I just don't know who I am. I can't make up my mind. As I don't know who I am, I don't knwo what I want to be. I have no conviction in my soul. I have no artistic or poetic streak. I have no colour in my life. I used to but I don't anymore. There are a few things that could be limiting my 'progress' to anything. It could be my depression, it could be that I've hit a low point in my relationship but refuse to give up whether it's the best thing for me or not or it could be a mix of everything.

I've put on a lot of weight recently which makes me feel uncomfortable both physically and emotionally (which doesn't take alot). I've never felt comfortable in any situation socially or solitary. I've never really been part of a group, I just hover around one person and then be that persons 'friend' who visits the group on the odd occasion. People don't really like me. I'm not mean or evil. I am a good person but I'm not memorable or noticed in any situation (except when people feel sorry for me). I can't interact well with people but I have managed to create a work persona who deals with 40 hours of my life every week. I can laugh, smile and joke but I can only keep it up for 40 hours per week. I can't concentrate and have a very low tolerance for people and their ways after my 8 hours, 5 days a week limit.