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| The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Had To Doâ€&br |
People make choices everyday, and depending on those choices you make will map your course of life. People are affected by their choices they make, some will be good and others will be hurtful. A lot of times when something bad happens from a choice we’ve made then we often think “what if” I did it differently?
When I was only 14 years old I made a choice that changed the rest of my life. I had a friend that was 16 years old and one Friday she came to spend the night with me. We went out but me being 14 I had a curfew of 10pm. Well this friend of mine always liked to hang out at the colleges and “hook up” with college men. I on the other hand had never “hooked up” with anyone nor was I going too.
Once we got back to my house she begged and pleaded with me to sneak out of my house with her and go this college party. Now we lived out in the middle of nowhere and it was 10 miles from town and about 20 miles to the college and I asked her how where we going to get there? She informed me that a friend of hers would pick us up about a mile down the road so my parents would not wake up from the sound of the vehicle or the headlights.
Well I gave in to peer pressure and we snuck out of my bedroom window at midnight and walked that mile down the road and met her friend who took us to the huge college party. I have to admit it was fun sneaking out and being at a Party, but now that I am older and wiser I see how stupid it was and why a 14 year has NO business being at a college party. I did not drink while I was there, I really did nothing at all but talk to a few people and watch everyone else get drunk and act stupid…which in itself was entertaining. I also kept asking everyone what time it was because there were NO clocks to be found anywhere in this apartment. I was so afraid of losing track of time because I told my friend that we had to be back by 4am because my father was an early riser.
Well I guess this guy got tired of me asking for the time so he finally took of this nice watch and told me to hold onto it until I left. I put in my pocket with thanks. Even though I had that watch I still lost track of time and freaked out when I heard someone say it was 4:30am. I ran and grab my friend and found the most sober person there to take us home, forgetting that I had this guys watch in jacket pocket.
We got home just in time and into bed. As we were getting dressed for bed I found that guys watch. I told my friend and she told me not to worry she had his number and we could just call him later. We got into bed by 5am and we slept until my mom woke us up to take my friend home and for me, mom and dad to take the boat out onto the lake. While everyone was getting ready and mom and dad were loading the boat I got the number from my friend and called that guy, who was frantically looking for his watch he told me he had forgotten he gave it to me. It was a very expensive gold watch with diamonds for the numbers that his grandparents gave him. He said he needed it that day because his grandparents were flying into tonight and he was to be at his parents house for dinner and if he shown up without that watch they would be upset.
So we made plans to get the watch to him. Stupid plans, you see he had to work and could not come to the lake to get it. So I talked my parents into letting me stay at the beach and get in some last minute tanning since it was becoming winter time. Once they dropped me off, unloaded the boat at drove out of seeing distance I found someone I knew at the beach with a car to take me to this guy’s apartment. When I got there I sat on the steps waiting for this guy to get off work, get his watch and return me to the beach, and my parents would never know because I knew they would be out for hours on the boat.
While I was waiting in the hot sun another guy that I had met at last night’s party showed up and asked me what I was doing there? I told him and he told me to come on in. He had a key because they were all best friends. I felt uneasy about going in but he kept on until I accept his invitation to go in where it was cool and he would fix us some ice tea.
I wish I could have taken that moment back. I wish I would have listen to my gut feelings, but I did not and that choice I made that day changed the rest of my life. As soon as this guy got me in the apartment, he went to get us something to drink, and when he came back he sat very close to me on the couch. I moved over some and he moved toward me. As I began to stand up and tell him I was going to wait outside because I did not like being in someone else’s home with them not their; he grabbed me and I looked into those eyes that once looked kind and caring, but now they were full of Evil. I tried to fight back, I tried screaming, biting, and kicking, but the more I fought back the more he seemed to like it and smiled at me.
In May of 1988 my innocence was taken from me brutally by someone I just met the night before. The guy that lived at that apartment came in as this guy was finishing raping me. When the owner of the apartment saw what happen he immediately attack his friend and beat the crap out of him, but the guy was able to get free and escape. I was wrapped in a throw blanket from the couch screaming and crying and wanting to die. The owner came back into the apartment after trying to chase his friend down, and asked if he could help me. He told me he was going to call the police and then find my parents. That is when I stood up and screamed NO at him. I told him NO ONE was to ever know and if he told I would tell every one that he was the one that raped me. I told him I want to just go back to the beach and wait for my parents after I took a hot shower.
I took a shower there but it was not long enough for me. When my parents and I got home I took another shower in scalding hot water and I scrubbed every inch of my body raw. I wanted his touch, his smell off of me. I felt so empty and so alone.
I never told a soul what happen to me for almost 3 months. But something happened and I had to tell my parents what he did to me and what was happening to me know. I had to break my dad’s heart as I told them I had been raped and that I was pregnant. My Dad cried as he got up and went to go get his gun to kill the bastard that raped me. I begged for him not too, because as I told my Dad, he has already taken one thing that was precious to me, my virginity, to please not let him take you away from me, because my Dad would have went to prison for murder. I asked my Dad instead of you killing him to please take me to the Police Department to file charges.
Even though all evidence of the rape was gone we still were able to get a guilty plea at trial because I carried the one evidence that no one could hide or get rid of within me. Even though his attorney argued that it was consensual sex and when I got pregnant I got scared and hollered rape, but the jury did not buy it, because the Prosecuting Attorney pointed out consensual sex or not I was 14 and he was 23 and he should have known better.
During this time I had to make a decision about the baby, because if I was going to have an abortion I did not have much time left to do so. I prayed, I read books, and I decided that I was going to have the baby and I was not going to put the baby up for adoption; I was going to keep the baby. I prayed for the next 6 months every day and night that I would not be like those people I read about that had their rapist baby and then hated their baby because the baby was a constant reminder of their rapist, and they looked like their rapist. I prayed that my baby would look nothing at all like my rapist, and that I would love my baby with all my heart.
Well my prayers were answered. In February of 1989 I had a 13lb 4oz baby boy. He was healthy, and he looked like I did when I was born. He has always looked like me; he likes and dislikes the exact things I do from sports to food, to colors and cars, to music and school subjects. My parents always told me that it was eerie because he was my twin in every way, that he was the identical male version of me.
He is now going to be 21 years old in February 2010, and he is in medical school. I am very proud of him and we are extremely close because you see we grew up together. I always looked at what happen to me as though God gave me something beautiful and wonderful out of an evil situation.
So please be careful of the choices you make. Do no think that you are invincible and that things like that would never happen to you, because you are smarter then that. That is not true, you are NOT invincible, and bad things do happen to good and innocent people. Do not take that short cut down some alley just because you are to tired to walk around the building; you never know what is waiting or lurking in dark corners. Evil is every where and Evil is within us all. We choose not to be Evil, but at the same time you need to be careful of the other choices you make in life. Cause just one small choice can have a very big impact on the rest of your life.
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Posted by pixie_36 on 2009-11-03 18:34:42 | Rating: | Views: 41
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