Thoughts.com Blogs - Learning to say no and failing

Well I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing....I have mentioned my neighbor before...her health is bad....lots of problems.....shes been on pain meds for years....unfortunately she is addicted to them....and she drinks alcohol along with the meds.....not a good thing.....anyhoo I saw her yesterday....I know shes lonely,though I can only handle her in small doses......It makes me feel terrible for feeling this way....I don't like to count people out nor do I have a feeling of being superior to someone with drug or alcohol problems......I just don't know if I have it in me to be of support or comfort to her......

I like my privacy...so maybe this is more of what I'm grappling with? I have a tendency to be too helpful...and then I end up resentful and miserable.....I don't want to go down that road again.....I feel if I give her inch she'll take a mile.....again I don't want to go there....not a place I enjoy being.....I know I need to set up limits.....everytime I do that.....I break my own rules......I open my big fat mouth and say "sure its no problem".....when in essence it really is...I am still learning that I matter...a stupid thing to have to learn.....learning to matter....

We belong to the Y....and I have been slacking off lately.....I haven't felt good about it....She was here and we started discussing it.......she said she'd love to join to use the pool.....that it might be good for her arthritis......and I'm sure it will......she also said her insurance will pay for it.....from what I know of that.....you pay upfront and your insurance company reimburses you....hers could be different......anyway I opened my big fat mouth and said "why don't we go tomorrow and sign you up"?..."I'll join a swimming class with you"......I meant well.....then I had time to think....this may be good for her.......but what will this in the end do to me?....My mouth and good intentions needs an off switch.....sometimes I wish I would just shut up and mind my own business, and stop being a Polly Anna.....Or maybe its my rendition of being a martyr? Mother Theresa I'm not.....idiot comes close to mind...

I want for this to be because I want to help.....not because I feel I have to....Theres no reason why I can't do this other than me getting too comfortable being a hermit.....I suppose I need to quit stressing over this and just do it?.....Maybe it wont turn into a fiasco? Maybe it will be good for me?I hope so.....if its not.....I'm grounding myself and retreating under my bridge where all big mouthed trolls should be.