Thoughts.com Blogs - Lady you have poop in your shoes part 2

This post comes with a disclaimer.It has to do with poop.I can't be held responsible if you are grossed out.Read at your own risk.

I had written in an earlier post about my then Mother in law Betty.She has crapped her pants in public more then my children did when they were babies.That woman was a virtual crapping her pants in public machine.We dubbed her "America's most crapped in her pants criminal".

The in laws had come for a visit.We had spent the day in Olympia,scouted the farmers market(bought some nice tomatoes)a little mall shopping then Pizza hut for lunch.I wish I would of known what was coming on the ride home.

We were piled into my Bronco.I was driving Betty was co pilot the guys were in the back seat and the kids behind them.Betty blurts out "was that a gas station"?"Yes" I answer "why"? "Well I have to go to the pot". Oh God no,asking me this after passing the gas station was not good.The gas station in question was at Steamboat Island theres no turn around after there.We are about to be in deep doo doo,next place to get off 101 is Kamilche and we are maybe 8-10 miles away.

"Betty,do you have to go bad?Can you hold it"?Snickering is coming from the far back of the car,silence from the men so far.They too know that we are in deep doo doo."Uffdah...uffdah I dont know".Betty proceeds to do lamaze breathing between her out bursts of uffdah.Now my husband, her son, had joked as we were leaving Pizza Hut that she would most likely end up sitting on the pizza box before we made it home.He too knows his Mother and her disagreeable bowels.Her husband calls out "Oh honestly Betty! Why didn't you go before we left the restaraunt"?"Well.....I didn't have to go to the pot then",said during her pauses of Lamaze breathing and uffdahs.The kids are still snickering and of course I'm already laughing,shits going to hit the fan and theres nothing I can do about it.

We make it to Kamilche (an Indian reservation,they have a little store that sells state tax exempt cigarettes and booze)She bolts out of the car and waddles as fast as her legs will allow to the bathroom.Still laughing,unfortunately her husband finds no humor in this.She's crapped her pants more with him then anyone else.Though the four of us are having a real laugh fest.5 minutes goes by,Jack my father in law is getting antsy.10 minutes go by,crap this is going to be bad.Were at 15 minutes still no sign of Betty.Jack is chomping at the bit and wants to go inside.Is he crazy I think to myself?My husband tries to make my daughter go in and check.Heather knows the score and she doesn't want to go.I flat out refuse to go in.I'm a regular customer at this store,I am not going in after her.I have been stuck in Bettys blue clouds before........NO THANK YOU!
My hubby has threatened our daughter to make her go check on Gramma.Just as Heather is getting out here comes "Miss crap her pants".

Betty has a big smile on her face,gets in the car.Between snorts and giggles I manage to ask her "Betty....how far did you get before you lost it"?Her infamous words to follow "Well....I had just shut the bathroom door (with hand motions,her idea of pantomime crapping)and....PPPSSSHHHSSSTTT....I crapped my pants".We all lost it!Even jack who was ready to kill her was roaring.It was a mess like all the other times before.Ran down her legs,into her shoes AGAIN.She spent the whole time in the bathroom cleaning up.Not only herself but her minor poop puddles.She said there was quite a line waiting for the bathroom.She stunk up the bathroom and apologized to everyone waiting in line on her way out.

So here we are Betty smells indescribable it was so bad there was a bit of gagging going on in the back seat.Betty and I are laughing,not much more we can do.And yes Betty did end up sitting on the lid of the pizza box for the rest of the ride home.

I learned another valuable lesson that day.If you pass a gas station and you run the risk of ending up with poop in your shoes.Flip a bitch.....4 wheel it across the median.Do whatever you have to do(without killing anyone) to get there.We should of bought Betty stock in "depends".