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| I couldn't of made this up if I tried
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A little disclaimer you're going to be reading some colorful words.Most likely a few "F" bombs.I realise that is offensive to some.Since I am the story teller I have got to keep it as factual as possible.For those offended I have just washed my mouth out with soap.If you can excuse a few "F" bombs.......I hope you enjoy:)
Bootsie and Erwin and their clan I met through my friend Jennell.She has known Bootsie and Erwin most of her life.When she had her bad spinal tap and was incapacitated Bootsie and Erwin helped in her care.
Erwin came to work for us at the hell hole and fit right in.He's a small thin man with a big voice.I dubbed him "big Daddy".He is a funny man.I stated that he is small.He said to me one time.What a strange subject to bring up.....
Erwin:I don't like to eat much ....I hate pooping.
Me:Erwin,Not many like to poop.But better to poop then be full of shit.
Erwin:I still dont like to poop,its nasty.
Me:(laughing)Are you telling me you're afraid of your poop?
Erwin:Child...you know what I mean(Laughing)Its just nasty
Now,this is funny coming from a man whose wife is a great cook.She would bring in lunch for the whole crew.Fried chicken,macaroni and cheese,collard greens,fried cabbage,corn bread and either apple pie or homemade cake.This man aint right.Afraid to poop,good grief!
One of our kids was Erwins favorite.Joey really is a neat kid hes in his sophmore year at Villa Nova now.Then he was in high school he played in a band,just a bright, considerate, nice kid.Erwin thought the world of Joey and would try to get his goat on many an occasion.
Erwin:Joey when you go to the bathroom...do you have to use toilet paper or something to wipe it off?
Joey:Wipe what off?
Erwin:You know....when you pee?
Joey:Ohhhh....ok
Erwin:When I go it falls into the toilet....I have to use a towel....know what i mean?
Joey:Yeah....I have to pull mine over my shoulder and under my arm so that doesn't happen.
I am listening and watching this unfold.Was a sight to see...the body language of who had the bigger "body appendage".As usual I was laughing and snorting.You never knew what to expect with Erwin.
Erwin was good for trying to get a rise out of people.I must say customers loved him,especially the women.It wasn't uncommon for him to try and nuzzle the females if he liked their cologne.He became stupid,lol.His wife once said "if he gets a girlfriend I hope that bitch knows she's taking care of a family of five,were a package deal!"
We had lost our power its us employees and two ladies in the store.Erwin goes to the bathroom.The roofs to our bathrooms were just ceiling panels unfortunately since the power was out no "musak" no air conditioner noise.Pretty quiet a little bit of an echo.Erwins in the bathroom we hear the toilet seat slam down and hear Erwin yell "OUCH! I smacked it!" The "it" of course being his third leg.The two lady customers lost it and so did we.Damn Erwin.Smack it became a favorite saying.
When He had first started with us,it was the beginning of our pool and patio season.We were having nothing but trouble with our delivery company.We took turns on the phones feilding complaints from customers,and trying to get a hold of the delivery jerks.Was horrible,so many cancled orders due to this outfit.One of our assistants Kevin had finally gotten a hold of the company and got a manifest.Keven,Jennell and myself get this great idea to break Erwin in.Goes like this...
Kevin is in the office calls from his cell phone....Erwin picks it up.
Kevin:(in his best philly slang)I just got my furniture,and da bastads broke my lawn jockey.
Erwin:Thats terrible! Whats your name sir?
Kevin:Sol Eisenberg...was are yous gonna do about da lawn jockey?
I had to leave the stockroom I almost pissed myself...Jennell was a trooper she stayed.The conversation becomes heated.Erwin puts him on hold and looks to Jennell."Your a manager you can take care of it"That was slow death for him.He gets back on the phone.
Erwin: Mr Eisenberg I will take care of this may I have your number and call you back?
Kevin:Yeah...(makes up a number) Jus' take care of da lawn jockey pal....and hangs up.
Erwin is visibley upset.So we had to tell him it was a joke.Finally he got a laugh out of it.Was ment into be in fun...luckily hes a good sport.
They have 3 kids Dasha whose 14 and smart as a whip.Little Erwin called "little E".....we tease Bootsie about little E....he looks so much like Alvin Iverson...we ask is Erwin really E's Daddy or is it Alvin?And little Sasha whose 4 and is a little line backer.A miniature "refrigerator Perry".I will be refering to Sasha as the baby from here on in.
Jennells over at their house the baby comes down stairs hands on her hips and she mad......
Baby:This is some bullshit! That mother fucker ate all my cheetos! (refering to little E)
She's not quite 3 when she said this.....
Sitting in her carseat next to her sister she looks at her older sister and says "you aint pimpin" again shes not even 3.
The babies latest statement.....She wanted to help her Mom clean Baby goes into her room and sprays the tv with windex....now the tv doesn't work...shes pissed off.Her Mother tells her its not her fault she broke the tv she'll just have to share with Dasha and E.The Baby says "Well....if you had been watching ME.....like YOU...were SUPPOSED too...that wouldn't of happened". Out of the mouth of babes.
I think I understand why Bootsy always had her husband up for sale.Everytime he did something that ticked her off...."This mother fucker's for sale".
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Posted by pitapie50 on 2008-03-29 07:45:00 | Rating: | Views: 123
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LOl! These two are really great people and so funny.I have always enjoyed their company.The baby though...when she's in school oh boy oh boy..would I love to be a fly on the wall.
You just can't beat "this mother fuckers for sale"....LMAO
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-03-28 13:08:33
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Very funny!!!!! They sound hysterical! My best friends little girl, she was still in a high chair. It was Thanksgiving. We had just finished eating and were cleaning up. Ashley was still in the highchair. Everything got really quiet. And she screamed, "Fuck." Then started laughing her head off. We laughed to, her mom was trying to scold her and we were trying not to laugh. Ashley wasn't even 2.
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Posted by Fancie
on 2008-03-28 15:31:34
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Very funny!!!!! They sound hysterical! My best friends little girl, she was still in a high chair. It was Thanksgiving. We had just finished eating and were cleaning up. Ashley was still in the highchair. Everything got really quiet. And she screamed, "Fuck." Then started laughing her head off. We laughed to, her mom was trying to scold her and we were trying not to laugh. Ashley wasn't even 2.
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Posted by Fancie
on 2008-03-28 15:31:36
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Too funny....even though you shouldn't laugh it's hard not too.I have been there with my kids when they were little.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-03-28 16:10:49
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LOL. Funny stuf. I had a friend of mine prank some friends of mine who worked at a hotel. My buddy (doing the prank call) is of Indian heritage (i.e. from India) and he does a really great accent if he wants to. So he called them up and told them that he wanted to rent a room.. and then just started to make stuff up like.. oh, do you have a room that is isolated because I have really bad BO so I will stink up the place and do you serve curry and can I bring my pet cow...
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Posted by hairytoad2005
on 2008-03-29 07:00:11
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LMAO...too funny...bring my pet cow!We had so much as kids doing prank calls,though all good things must come to an end.Darn caller ID!
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-03-29 07:11:59
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Actually, I just did that last month. LOL. I guess I never grew up.
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Posted by hairytoad2005
on 2008-03-29 08:37:33
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Thanks for the smile and laugh today, you never fail to make my day.
:) excellent post (as usual)
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-03-30 03:04:58
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LOL..there you go toad! growing up bites.To be 12 again...thats what I'm striving for.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-03-30 06:03:34
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OMG!!! Easy its so great to finally see you! I was pretty sure you weren't a cat! I must say you are quite the beauty:)Nice to see you girl.I'm glad you got a smile and a laugh :)
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-03-30 06:05:35
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