Thoughts.com Blogs - Doing the right thing for myself

On a serious note....about my not so nice friend menopause...I know its just a fact of my life....and the earliness of it was brought on by a decision I had made....no regrets at all....though I offer up very little of my past discretions and indescetions.....this is personal,not a monster in my closet by any means.....So I'll just blurt it out...

I had met a couple through another couple. They had been married close to twenty years,had one son that was 7 at the time. Good careers,nice home and a happy family life. Only one thing missing, they wanted more children. The delivery of their son took a toll on the Mother, unable to have more children ....they went the adoption route.....Went through all the home visits,paper work and heartache....no such luck...still waiting,hoping and praying to add to their family.....

Me, I'm like a rabbit....no problem getting pregnant (I must have been a rodent in a former life) I as always was on the other end of the spectrum....Life just seems unfair at times....to have and to have not....I myself would of loved to of had more children...Considering that my marriage was in bad shape,hard enough for the 2 children I had let alone invite more into that mess....Alas no more children and thats ok,I came to terms with that.....

After meeting them I was filled with burning questions....I wanted to know more....I wanted to get to know them better........and get to know them better I did......maybe I could do something? After countless sleepless nights and running different scenarios in my head.....I made up my mind....that is after discussing it with my partner in crime.....this after all wouldn't just effect me....there were countless others to consider.......like our families and friends,jobs,my children and my better half....I have to hand it to him....there aren't many like him,he supported me full throttle and so did everyone else for the most part.....my parents thought I was an idiot....too bad,its not their life nor their body....I brought it up to this couple now turned friends....."Have you thought of a surrogate"?...gulp....

You could of heard a pin drop....I felt my heart drop as well....I felt stupid and nosey,this isn't what I had intended. After we all got over the initial shock of my question,it got a bit lighter....the mood lifted....I was assured that they had,though briefly....so....I went for it....."Maybe I could be the surrogate"? I was in good health,had stopped smoking for six months(the things you say to convince yourself that your ok,lol) The decision wasn't made that night....lots of dialoge to come....after 3 weeks and a ton of soul searching for themselves they came up with a decision....this after all would be medically expensive,so much to think through...not that theres insurance to cover this...it can be a huge finacial burden....

After doting their "i's" and crossing their "t's" they said yes,they wanted to persue this.And persue this we did. She, unfortunately had a full hysterctomy,ovaries had been removed as well. More soul searching for all of us a donar eggs or my eggs? I had already commited myself,I wasn't doing this for me in the slightest. I was to be the incubator,thats all. It was decided it would be my eggs(this makes me sound like a barn yard chicken) and his sperm. Artificial insemination it is. I so would of rather it been hers and his,though this wasn't to be. I now know what a poor cow goes through,its very sterile and wierd...though the after effect makes it all worth it....I would often refer to myself as the "human oven"....Theres more to this...due to my age I had to go through amniocentesis(it wasn't a big deal,though the needle is huge,piece of cake) more than normal prenatal visits....keeping an eye on my blood pressure (when I was pregnant with my daughter I had toxemia) thankfully all went well....was an uneventful pregnancy....

I gave birth to their daughter January 3,2003 she was 21" long,7lbs 11oz,tons of hair,a beautiful baby if I do say so myself. They were there for her birth as well. I insisted the baby was handed to her Mommy asap.....she and the Daddy waited along time for her.....I have to say it ment as much to me as it did when I held my own for the first time...I'm happy I did this. They are such an awesome family,all children should be as lucky to have parents such as them.....

Miss T turned 5 this past January....shes so smart......speaks spanish almost fluently (due to her parents,they started early with their son as well) she loves to ski and play in the snow and what a cutie and so loving. She'll be going to kindergarten this fall and can't wait.LOL, she knows I was her "bun warmer" her parents felt she should know. That aspect wasn't important to me,I did what I sent out to do,to help provide them with another child....

I'm not spilling my beans to toot my own horn or get well wishes. But, to help someone in need can be applied in many ways.It doesn't have to be what I have done. I'm sure some will think me an idiot as my parents do,and thats ok. We all have to live our lives for ourselves and do what "we" think is right and proper....do what is right to you,don't worry about what others will think....the rewards can be endless.