Thoughts.com Blogs - Dads never ending crack

Theres noway to be delicate about this subject.I'm just going to have to be crass.This has to do with butt cracks,my Dads butt crack in particular.

My Dad,he is not a big guy.Yes,hes short,buddah belly,flat footed,full beard that takes up most of his face and a butt crack that goes on for days.

Gross subject?I think not.He was born with no butt,flatter than a pancake.I cant make up my mind if the crack starts from his shoulder blades and runs down.Or if it starts from his butt and goes up to his shoulder blades.The verdict is still out on his affliction.

The family has had many discussions on this topic.Why doesnt he just wear a belt or suspenders?I believe he either sees that as the easy way out or too much bother.Hence,we have no clue,we just make assumptions.

I've lost count of how many times my Dad has lost his drawers.Pulling them up has become his past time.Kind of like giving up smoking,what would he do with his hands if he wasnt spending countless hours pulling up his drawers.I can only imagine.

We used to go to the lake quite a lot.Would take the boat and putter around.This was in the 70's, Dad has on his bermuda shorts and his flashy tire sandals.He gets the boat into the water,slips as he jumps onto the front of the boat,flattens the wind shield,breaks the drivers chair and rips out his shorts.Butt crack incident,all on account of short slippage.Ok,ok it was really the tire sandals fault.

Another time we are at the store early 80's.Dad has gone from bermuda shorts to Ocean Pacific corduroy shorts.Kind of like hot pants for men.Really short.Anyhoo,hes carrying a case of beer his shorts fall down to his ankles.Im so used to this I cant help but laugh.To this day I hope he had on clean underwear.Nothing like pulling your drawers up from your ankles in public.It didnt phase him.

At home on the weekends he usually has tools in his back pockets.My Mom says it looks life he has a loaf in his pants.Hes running around with his butt crack hanging out,a loaf in his pants and he wonders why we laugh.He would get mad and say "if you dont like it,dont look" and some colorfull metaphores I'll leave those out.

The mans a mess.One year for his birthday my brothers mother in law gave him a tshirt that said pig pen.It was made to look like Calvin Klien instead of CK it was PG.He was offended.He eventually wore it.I think the fact that it was a girly shade of purple is why it offended him.

Weekends are pretty funny at my folks since I have grown up.My Dad usually hides from my Mom,shes a champion nagger(cant say I blame him)They dink around the house and go to the store.Before they leave Mom is always fussing at my Dad."Kirk! get a shower or brush your hair,you better change your clothes,your not going out looking like that".The mans a dirt clod,he smells like feet and farts mix in some old spice and you've got my Dad.I bet Pig Pen was based on my Dad.

I've seen pictures of my folks when they were dating and first married.My Dad was a snappy dresser.I think its all because of his butt crack.It just grew and grew through the years.

We never got tired as kids snickering at my Dad when he was working on something.His crack was out in full view.I suppose butt cracks are personal to some people.I say If your gonna let it hang out,hang it out proudly.