Thoughts.com Blogs - Burnt tacos and popcorn farts

I made tacos lastnight for dinner.....it brought back memories of my grandma.....For a woman that raised five kids.....she was a lousy cook.....no wonder why my Dad became such a good cook...if he hadn't he would of starved to death....

Grandmas tacos were awful.....even my powdered sugar fried chicken wasn't as bad as her tacos.....she would burn the meat and not break it up very well.....it looked like burnt misformed meatballs......the meat was so dry it got stuck in your throat.....and not only could you smell the charring....you could taste it too....I've had popcorn farts that were not as dry as her tacos.....my throat is having sympathetic contractions now as I'm remembering this....

Chop suey....I'm sorry....this is not proper kid food....bean sprouts look like worms.....and vegetables....please.....I think grandma was trying to kill us kids....I had a thought later in life that she had life insurance policies taken out on us kids.....incase we croaked due to her cooking.....Now I'm sure bean sprouts are totally except able to Asian children......let them eat all the bean sprouts they want.....they can even have mine.....grandma got carried away with the celery.....her chop suey was mostly celery and bean sprouts....I think there was some onion....the beef was minuscule....at least I think it was beef.....there were brown things in it.....maybe burnt bean sprouts?......Anyhoo...it was awful.....or as a kid would say.....it was yucky.....

The only thing that my grandma did that like other grandmas was the hard candy....either ribbon candy or some other gross hard candy in one big blob in the candy dish.....she didn't bake cookies.....probably due to her cooking skills.......she didn't knit or crochet......no sewing......she drank strong black coffee,scotch and smoked cigarettes.....and she liked to dress up.......My friends all had grandmas that would knit them blankets and sew outfits for them and their Barbies....not my grandma....

I'm not complaining....she is who she is.....she worked....and for relaxing.....she drank scotch.....went dancing.....and loved to camp....this is my grandma.....

She also had a loose tongue....never afraid to say what was on her mind.....which frightened off some people.....including her kids......she could be brash....thats just the way she was.....on occasion she had to set my mom straight.....my Mom was and is a pain in the ass....grandma told her so.....most likely why my Mom refers to her as the "old bag"......she's had to set me straight a time or two as well.....I'm glad she did....I'm glad shes my grandma and not my mother in law.....I think she would rub me the wrong way too......

She's now 94 and cantankerous as ever......Her kids are all taking their turn.....shes now with my uncle and his wife.....grandma and this particular daughter in law have never gotten along......it's not that my uncles wife didn't try......grandma had made her mind up years ago that she just didn't like her......i think she based her opinion on jealousy....my uncle had been a bachelor for quite awhile after his marriage broke up.....grandma liked having him to herself......the wife upset the apple cart.....so grandma decided she just wasn't going to like her.......grandma is not behaving.....she gets her digs in daily.....I think shes enjoying upsetting her rival.....too bad grandma wont behave herself....

I'd take her in a New York minute if I had the room....I'm sure she would drive me crazy...but,thats ok......I know theres bad feelings between her and her kids.....they all harbor resentment,and should of come clean years ago......grandma was far from a perfect Mother.....theres things I'm still unsure to share....very personal,enraging,and down right pathetic.....but, this is her life....as with all of us theres the good the bad and the ugly....so for now I hope for the best......I hope she becomes a little bit kinder.....I know shes mad for losing her independence....thats not easy for anyone.....And I am sure thats whats made her difficult....lol,.....then again shes always been difficult......

Even though she has been difficult through the years...its ok.....even if her dinners were awful thats ok too.....she is who she is.....and shes my grandma......her Mother lived to be 102.....grandma never wanted to live that long.......hopefully this won't be the last thing to tick her off......I'd love to have her here for many more years.....I know her destiny isn't my decision to make.....the only request I have is that how ever much time she has left.....that she uses it wisely......and learns to finally be happy.

I'd like to end with this gal can cuss like a sailor.....I learned my best swear word vocabulary from her......she couldn't cook.....but she could sure weave some colorful words....She had one mild saying....Monkey farting around......So be about your business and quit monkey farting around!