Tuesday morning I wake up at 1:30a.m....night sweats...how lucky can a girl be? That's getting added to my list of things that just piss me the fuck off...
Those of you not going through this crap, consider yourselves lucky! Enjoy your uterus in all it's wonder, to it's fullest capicity....I am ready for mine to fall out, and flop on the floor like a sick fish...I hope to have on my waffle stompers, when this occurs...and squish the snot out of this annoying organ....Perimenopause sucks!...My ovaries, Miss uteruses twin sisters, better knock it the hell off too! I'll rip those little suckers out, and sell them on the black market(Christmas is only 11 months away. Never too late to save)...I don't even care if I grow a beard! Wait, that's just stupid...I do care if I grow a beard....Tim might decide to sell my ass to the circus...Damn that man anyway....Now that I got this crap out of the way, and I'm feeling a bit gentler and kinder. I can talk about the fun stuff....Yes, Virginia there is still fun even in the throws of perimenopause...Consider it a big fucking joke....those of you that know...know what I'm talking about....Uteruses of the world unite!...
Slowtolearn...is too fucking cute for words...but, I will try and do her justice......At the moment I am retyping this mess in word...due to a thoughts snafu....I had orginally called Slowtolearn Alice...but she's more of a Punky Brewster....small and cute....I will be referring to her as PB...Punky Brewster kids....not peanut butter....PB, beat me too the punch....seeing as she made it home much sooner....Now I know how it feels to be left at the alter...Atlantic City was not the same after she scurried her butt home....We both missed her and said to ourselves..."now what?"
You know how stories are to have a beginning,middle and end? You won't find that here. My brain doesn't work that way...I don't know if it ever has, come to think of it? I backtrack...It's like when I read a book...sometimes, the suspense gets to me. So, I go to the last chapter and read it. If the last chapter doesn't piss me off...I might finish the book. I have expectations that have only been met by reading Fannie Flagg and Garrison Keillor....they make me laugh...Sandra Brown well, she can just suck it. I'll never read her again...Shit, now I'm completely off topic...PB....remember it's Punky Brewster not peanut butter...So.....
As we walk into the hotel (Showboat)....It would sound so much better if it was PB walking in(I'm cracking myself the fuck up as I'm writing this...If you could only hear what I'm hearing right now-harps,singing and angel wings flapping) I would be frabricating, lying really,if I said that's how it happened. We enter the lobby, there's this little teeny tiny lillipution of a person....Yep you guessed it, Miss PB! You guys are so fucking smart...I can hardly contain myself....drinks on the house! PB is like this cute little Lilliputian. I feel like Gulliver and Tim's standing there looking like Paul Bunyon. Actually I could of been Babe the blue ox(I'm cracking up again.And I'm sober!) PB may be small....but this gal has a HUGE personality...I can't help but love her....she hugs like a prize fighter....you can feel the love....
PB is right we did spend most of our time at the bar, hadn't intended to. I'm an idiot, not just out of general principle (though I'm sure some of you would disagree- for those that do, you may now take your flying leap in a fucking donut) I am also a smoker...yeah...I know...enough said....As I indulged one drink lead to another...I am not saying we were falling down drunk...and showing our tits for the bead necklaces we aquired....If I lifted my shirt in public, it would become a vomit festival....I'll share the horror with you....I'd be great at a game of quarters-I could flap in and out with my "chesticals"...got the mental picture? Good, serves you right for reading this....you will never be the same and neither would Atlantic City if I let that happen....they'd have to send out the CDC, quarantine, just not a pretty picture...Where the fuck was I?....
Another paragraph...sigh*......We talked, drank, I smoked, talked, drank some more and so on. Had an awesome time. Did maybe 5 minutes of gambling? I'm just sad the time was short...short but so worth it. You never know who you are going to meet in this life. I'm a fan of lives good surprizes...Punky Brewster is one of those...I have to tell you guys....listen closely...this really bothers her....SHE THINKS SHE TALKS TOO MUCH!....Good grief...PB kiddo, you don't talk to much. You are a keeper...I truly enjoyed seeing you...Now PB I love you girl so shut the fuck up would ya?
My name is Edith Ann and that's the truth......
P.S. Is Lily Tomlin really a lesbian? Not that it matters....I was just curious...
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