You aren't bad..You aren't a bad person! Everyone has there moments. I know I do, and I shut myself off from the world. If you have a cold and aren't feeling well, then that's understandable. If you believe your boyfriend is clingy..that's an issue that he has that he needs to work through. Been there done that myself. As far as the other questions.The reason you can't just die right now is because you have purpose. And as long as you see yourself as bad, that's just what you will think. Change your thinking change your life!

This coming from a person who has and is working through similar issues!

You can do this..take the first step

You are not a bad person and as long as your trying your hardest your not a bad girlfriend. Come now, dying would not make u a better person. The people who love you would be devastated. I dont know you or your situation, but it seems you at least have a boyfriend who cares about you. Nobody does everything right, as long as you try your best thats all anyone can ask for. your not a bad person.

Have you tried talking to him about it?

Hunnie you are not a bad person by the lest.... You are just going through a rough time right now, hell most of us are right now these days.. So join the crowd! Hahah. But yes you are not a bad person or girlfriend at all! You just got a lot on your mind right and a lot in your heart and do not want to be around anyone right now, and that is fine. We all need our time to collect ourselves and get our thoughts and feelings sorted out, and thats okay, its a good thing.

As for cutting...I am an ex-cutter of 2 years, so I feel your pain...But really it is not worth it....Cause now that I have stopped cutting and datting now, I am often asked what the marks on my wrist are from and I have to explain it all, and it sucks! Yet what I know is going to suck even more is that some day I am going to have to explain it to my kids so day, that is when I have kids. So really it is not worth it, and you are soooo much better than this, you really are! Is there anything else that you love to do? Write? Read? Play a sport? Act? Anything, and take all your built up emotions and put it into that and you'll do great! That is what I do with running and softball and writting and I love it! And best of all I am happier and healthier!
Okay well take care hunnie and stay strong!!!

xox Samantha xox


PS... CKOTT: YOU ARE A TOTAL JERK AND HAVE NO SYMPATHY OR EMPATHY FOR ANYONE!!! You do not know what she is going through or feeling or thinking so why dont you shut up! Because you are just down right rude! And that is not cool at all.

don't worry hun your boyfriend loves you no matter what. that is why he wants to see you, simply because he cares. he can see that something is bothering you, and is sensitive to the fact that you need your space. you are not a bad person because of this! i know you are stressed, love, but it will get better. remember that there is always something more, something to do, something to see, something to laugh at, something to love, something to live for. all you have to do is look hard enough :]

thank you all soooooooooooooooooooo much

love you all

-shanna

You sound just like me right now. I'm tired and sick of everything and all I want to do is just be left alone.

It seems like my whole life is comprised up of making people happy and the moment you slack or want it to be a little about yourself, everything you worked for blows up in your face.

I'm sick of people always picking and telling you how you should change yourself and then not long later they'll kiss your ass and tell you how much they like you for who you are. Bull... all they mean is they only like you when they are doing what they want you to do and how they want you to do it. That's what they like about you and the moment you slip up on that, they call you out and suggest on how you should so-called 'better' yourself... more like change yourself to benefit them.

It truly sucks. I'm weak. I'm so much of a coward to give up on everything, I would rather live in misery than disappoint anyone anymore. Why the heck is that? Why to I set aside my feelings, goals and beliefs for everyone else and they still call me out as selfish at times, even worse the only person I'm supposed to rely on says that to me... my husband.

And here I believe is the underlying problem. In my eyes, my husband hates me. I could never make him happy but at the same time doesn't want a divorce. He's too proud for that. I could never get a divorce for the fear of regretting it and giving up on a person that I care about very much. Although, I think he has already given up on me and just keeping me around because he thinks he may be alone for the rest of his life since I'm the only one that puts up with his crap. He'd never tell you that though. He would say that he could get any girl he wanted 'cause he's such a great catch. Well, buddy, I say go start looking because once I know that you have moved on, I could then do so. 'Cause right now, it already seems like it is over.

And that is why my life completely sucks right now. The one person that I'm supposed to be free and open with I feel I have to keep from because he really doesn't want me to be me. He just wants me to be what he thinks I should be.

And the even more crappy part of it all is that people will always ask how things are going between us and how he is treating me. And, now I don't even tell them anymore b/c I'm sick of telling the same story, so I keep it bottled in. So that is why I am now blowing off steam to you. And for those reading, thanks for taking the time.

Shanna, best to you. Hang in there 'cause it is certainly a tough world out there. I can't understand your cutting, but I can understand your feelings. But I tell you this, nobody cares. I mean, some people, care... but most don't. So, appreciate those who do. And remember to only do to others what you would want done to you. Treats others as you would want to be treated and not always does that pay off but at least you can say that you are doing the best that you can.