The other day I went off on a tangent about religious conflicts, differences, and some of my thoughts on religion in general. I ended by saying that I would further elaborate on my thoughts and feelings as well as explain what caused me to blog about something I typically would not.

Before I get to my explanation, I want to continue more on where I left off. As a non-demoninational Christian, I have observed how different affiliations practice and worship. Organized religion does not work for me. Mainly, because no matter which church affiliation I attend, I still believe what I want to. And it seems as though most people do the same. I don't really know if I believe everything that was written in the Bible. And I don't believe everything that is spoken at the front of a church. Ministers stand in the front of churches and preach about how homosexuals go straight to hell for their sexual orientation. That, I refuse to believe. I'm not a homosexual; I'm not even bisexual. But I don't think most homosexuals/bisexuals choose for that to be their sexual orientation. I was born only attracted to the opposite sex. I think homosexuals are born being attracted to the same sex...MOST anyway. Would God really punish His own children for being born the way they are? The churches preach about how everyone is born with a pre-determined destiny. That means that God puts people on this Earth (homosexuals) just to send them straight to Hell. That doesn't make a world of sense. Destiny doesn't make sense to me at all anway. Everyone is born with free-will and if we are all born with pre-determined destiny that means I have no choice or say over my own life. That means I could walk up to the next person I encounter, blow their brains out, and say, "Sorry. It was destiny for me to kill you."

Ministers also preach about how everything written in the Bible is true and all Christians should abide by the Bible. If all Christian beliefs are derived directly from the Bible, why do the church ministers try to instill that anyone who commits suicide goes directly to Hell? The Bible does not clearly say that anyone who committs suicide receives a direct ticket to Hell. It is assumed. It's taken out of context, because the church views suicide as murder. Murder is defined as a pre-meditated killing. "Thou shall not kill" is one of the 10 commandments. Churches view suicide as murdering yourself and a sin that can not be repented for.

One reason religion has been a hot topic on my mind the past couple of days is because religious holidays seem to get a little under my skin. Holidays as a whole remind me of August 20, 2006, but religious holidays turn the wheels in my brain more than the others. As most know, my cousin, Paul, committed suicide on that day. I have since never felt like I am the same person now that I was then. I know that people change every passing year anyway, but a part of me will always be missing. I think with every death, that person takes a little bit of your heart with them, but Paul was one of my best friends. By blood he was my cousin, but he always felt more like a brother. How I feel for him is going to be saved for a totally different blog, but when he was alive, he often made very good points about religion and more specifically the Bible. Most of the questions and opinions I have about the Bible have originated from his mind and his thoughts; not my own. His intelligent inquisition over so many things in life was just one of his traits that I admired.

It was never proven that Paul committed suicide, but I know in my heart that he did. I also know and feel in my heart that he is not burning in Hell for all eternity for the last mistake he made; a mistake that he can not ask forgiveness for. I know that my God would not punish him with eternal damnation for taking his life. My God is a forgiving God of all sins. Even though my faith has been put into question through the suffering I have endured in my life, I know that God has not forsaken me and would not forsake Paul. Paul was a Christian, he was saved, and he believed in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy word. That is what gets me through every moment I feel despair over his death. I know that one day I will see Paul again. I know that one day we'll be reunited and any grief I've ever felt over his death will perish forever. Yet for some reason, religious holidays are harder.