37012 Blog Feed: pgm 2008-08-23 18:08:52 pgm Your e-mail address 141558 2008-08-23 08:10:13
He waited for me outside and I expected a confrontation. Instead, he simply apologized and told me that his girlfriend gets furious whenever he rings her from the bathroom. One time, she realized he was calling her from a men’s room stall, and she refused to have sex with him for a week afterward. With "Too Much Information" screaming through my brain, I told him it was no problem and have a nice day. He reached out to shake my hand. I declined.

I don’t know if this is a matter of Netiquette or an issue for Miss Manners, but it seems to me that we need to set some rules about the times and places when cell phone usage should absolutely be prohibited.

Here is my starter list:

In the bathroom. Seated or standing, there should be no mobile communication while evacuation is in progress.
In church. This may seem obvious, but I remember reading an article about a woman who knew she was addicted to her Blackberry when she caught herself checking for messages while riding in the hearse at her grandmother’s funeral.
When you're at the front of a line waiting for the cashier or ordering fast food. Remember, the people behind you don’t want to hear how toasted you got last weekend, so please just shut up and order your skinny decaf caramel macchiato with extra foam and three sweet-n-lows.
While working as a cashier or taking fast food orders. We don’t mean to be rude and we wouldn’t want to inconvenience you, but we are the customer here, aren’t we?
In an elevator. Even when whispering, these enclosed places amplify your voice. It gets worse when you try to talk over the Muzak playing in the background, so please just wait two minutes until you get to your floor. I miss the good old days when it was impossible to get a signal inside an elevator.
In the fast lane. Driving while talking on a mobile phone requires strong multi-tasking skills. So, if you don’t have a hands-free model, get out of the passing lane before making that call. I can always tell when the driver in front of me is engaged in some riveting conversation, because their car invariably slows down. As Ellen DeGeneres says, "If you need both your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too."

Well, that’s my list. I'm curious if you have any others that you’d like to add. I'm sure there must be other cell phone etiquette rules, but I’ve really got to take this call right now … ]]> 99089 2008-05-20 18:20:28
It was only the second inning, and I like Miley Cyrus, so we watched the show together. When it was over, my daughter kissed me on the cheek and said goodnight. A minute later she came back. Without a word, she took off the green-orange-and-yellow necklace she was wearing and put it around my neck. She fastened it, giggled, kissed me once more, and went to bed.

I turned the ballgame back on and watched as Jon Lester, second-year pitcher and cancer survivor, proceeded to throw a no-hitter. The first no-hitter by a Boston Red Sox left-hander since 1956.

I'm not a superstitious person, but I am never taking off this necklace.

Thank you Gina. I love you.

]]> 61254 2008-02-09 11:08:03
He died three months before the Red Sox won the World Series. He didn’t see the Patriots go 18-0 and almost win another Super Bowl. This year’s Celtics are having their best start in team history. Even the Bruins are playing solid hockey at both ends of the ice. And, last week he missed Boston College, his alma mater, beat my alma mater BU in overtime at the Beanpot hockey tournament. He would’ve loved that.

In his obituary notice, mourners were encouraged “in lieu of flowers” to make a donation to Barack Obama’s Presidential campaign. Unfortunately, because my brother jumped off a cliff five months before the Iowa Caucuses began, he didn’t see his candidate collect almost 1,000 Democratic delegates by Super Tuesday.

I don’t pretend to understand the desperation my brother must have felt as he stood on that ledge and decided to end his life. I’m not a psychologist or a social worker, although ironically he was. But I can’t help wonder, in those final terrible moments of torment, did my brother consider what he might miss by checking out so soon? A major sporting event. A wedding. One of his sons pitching a shutout or getting a promotion. The birth of a grandchild. The next season of “Entourage” or “American Idol.”

My brother’s funeral was so crowded they actually ran out of Communion wafers. He would’ve found that both funny and humbling. His sons and daughter-in-law delivered eulogies that caused huge tears and giant smiles throughout the church. A thousand heads bobbed in unison at the memory of a wonderful father, colleague, hockey coach, mentor, and caregiver.

Because we were identical twins, several mourners I’d never met before felt compelled to come up to me and touch my face and hair, even smell me, just so they could have one final remembrance of their friend and therapist.

Later, a couple of people said they believed the “demons” infesting my brother’s patients had somehow transferred to his body like something out of a Steven King novel. There could be no other explanation why such a great man would be driven to suicide. But, I don’t believe that for a minute.

I do believe, now more than ever, in the telepathic connection that twins are reported to have. Months before his death, I sensed that something was troubling my brother. I asked him about it once, but he quickly shot me down. I let it go because, after all, he was the trained professional who would surely be able to self-diagnose his own emotional problems. I curse myself for not pushing harder. For not being there for him. For not letting him know how much I cared for him.

So, my advice here is neither very original nor earth shattering. First, if someone is special to you, tell them how you feel. The online testimonials to my brother on legacy.com and mem.com are amazingly beautiful in their praise of his life and deeds. It’s a shame he’ll never get to read them and know what an impact he had on so many people.

Second, if you think a friend or loved one is troubled, encourage them to talk about it. No, make them talk about it. Don’t be afraid of appearing too nosy or pushy. You just might find this person really wants someone to share their feelings with, to listen to their subtle cries for help.

Finally – and this is what I wish I had been able to say to my brother – if suicide seems to be the only answer, think about what you might miss when you’re gone. What could happen tomorrow, next week or next year that you’d really like to see for yourself? A prom. An anniversary. A great new movie. The first African-American or woman President. The Boston Bruins kissing the Stanley Cup.

Paul would have loved that.
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