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| Never Take Friendship Personal
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Why is it there are at least 5 people around to hold you up when you don't need anyone...But as soon as your self-esteem starts crashing into oblivion and you need a hug, everyone seems to vanish? I find out somethings...they pretty much devastate me because I feel I could have prevented it...What happened in the first place was my damn fault...I could have defended myself. But I didnt. And now I'm sorry. I am worthless..I'm stupid. I'm crashing...I'm breaking down. Where is everyone when I am so damn low I am beneath the fucking dirt? Where is my support system then? Where is someone to hold my damn hand? Tell me its not my fault? Tell me its going to be ok? But I guess thats what I get for being this Strong Independant woman...Never needing anyone...Pretending I'm fine all the time....trying to be tough...Well..HERE'S A NEWSFLASH: I am a fucking trainwreck right now...I need help...I need to fucking cry into something that can hold me back and not just absorb my tears...I need someone to tell me to get a grip and I'm gonna be ok..I need someone to hold me...To tell me its NOT MY FAULT...I need someone to tell me convincingly they aren't mad at me. But no...my problems verses his problems...HA...its like...someone with a cold complaining to someone dying of cancer. basically....I WILL NOT fall apart...I WILL NOT cry to him...I WILL NOT let it show...that i'm nothing more than a scared little girl at this moment...Instead...I will cry into my pillow, as it has been a loyal tear absorber for years now...I will vent into the blank screen to no one really...I will confide in the people who I don't know that read this...I will pretend to be fine...I will pretend to be strong...while on the inside I am shivering curled up in the corner wishing for something to help...something to comfort...I will pretend to be this person everyone thinks I am...All but the people that read my blogs and know the real me...without even really knowing me. And my rant for the night to people who won't respond...is over for the night...off to cry alone in the dark...
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this is amazing
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Posted by auttiexx
on 2007-10-07 10:02:51
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Sounds to me like you have hit rock bottom. It's time you change your thoughts if you want to change your life. the reason no one is around to hold your hand when you are in hell is because you are pushing them away. You are the creator of your life, you are writing the script, write it happy and carefree instead of turmoil.
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Posted by trevorjohn
on 2007-10-07 10:33:21
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wow,
i agree with auttie. This is amazing writing, and im so sorry you feel like this and i agree with you 100%. When your fine and well is when your friends are there but when your world comes crashing down you cant find anyone to talk to and it hurts like hell. I hope you realize that you dont deserve to have these friends of yours who arent there for you when you need them, you deserve better than that.
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Posted by Hail17
on 2007-10-07 13:14:27
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| Views: 117
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