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Being defensive is something I need to work on. When people say something to me that I don't like I need to learn not to wear my emotion on my sleeves. I do think some people strive to get under your skin and it makes them feel so powerful and leaves me feeling powerless. Me being this way is a result of times where I was bullied and teased in school. So I just seem to always have my guard up.
Last Wednesday when I was at work my co-worker had put on some music. It's like 8am no one is really in yet and we sometimes play the music a little louder than we would if people were there. He had rap music playing and it was all good until I started hearing the curse words. Being that we work in corporate america I turned it down and was like " don't nobody want to her that cursing early in the morning." He later called me a "turncoat". I had no idea wtf he meant by that. I thought it was one of them old people sayings and he is in his fourties. I asked him what that meant and he says to go ask someone. We were the only two people there so I don't know who he thought I should ask. I did start cursing to him because thats just something I do when I'm upset. It's something I realize that isn't right and I'm working on that. So he didnt tell me till later on. But I let that mess up my mood (for awhile) then I thought to myself like people will always have something good to say whether good or bad. I can't let people still my joy an longer. I've let what people say determine if I'd be happy or sad and I refuse to be like that any longer. Still quite curious to what he meant by "turncoat" I asked someone she described it as a person who agrees with what ever anyone says and gave me an example of a group of people gossiping and their maybe someone who deep down insides disagrees about what is being said but agrees. Than that same person may go around a different group of people who are saying something contradicting to what they believe , yet still agree. (Hope that made sense lol ) That pretty much describes a follower. So with her defenition, being the over analyzing person that I'am , I try to see what the heck my co-worker meant by what he said to me given the situation. I put that all to rest after giving myself a headache lol and continued on with my day. So he tells me later he apologizes for what he said and he shouldnt of said it because he knows how sensitive I'm blah blah. I told him that it wasnt necessagry because hes just one of many people who won't like me or the way that I act and that I don't care what he thinks. He said what he meant was that I was contradicting myself because in the PAST I would come to work in a sour mood(all depressed bringing my outside work problems to work) and would curse a lot and by me REACTING to the music with cursing he thought I was a hypocrite? I suppose thats true, but thats in the PAST geezzzzz.. I guess he had a point but I think its funny how I worry myself on what other people say to me. Thats all behind me now..
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Posted by peacenluv on 2008-03-01 14:03:42 | Rating: | Views: 76
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Great start expressing yourself.
I also get offended and offensive too because of the ostrazation I went thru in school.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-03-01 18:14:55
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I tend to wear an emotion under my sleeve also and you should write more blogs.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-04-14 08:34:04
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