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| Everything Happens For A Reason
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This is not finished yet I plan to add more about the book I've been reading. Sorry for any grammatical errors.
Letting past issuses stay in the past. I can't change things that have happened. If I could go back and make changes, I wouldn't. I do believe Everything Happens For A Reason. Things could always be a lot worser. I should be grateful. I've been selfish, so really the most traumatic thing that has happened to me was being humiliated and teased through high school. People go through so much more than that and yet its holding me back. Eight years later I guess I have not completely gotten over it. I say to myself that "I'm over it". But my life dictates that I'm not. In highschool before it all I've dealt with I had the dreams of just being a successful women. Not at all sure of what I wanted to do. But helping people is a passion of mines. To make a difference in someones life is just something to cherish. i'm not at all happy with where I'm at in my life. I just don't know how to go about change.
I'm in need of a makeover not physically but for my inner self. . Build a relationship with God or become more spiritually. Rid myself of all fears. Not be dependent on other people as far as seeking praise. Stop letting people steal my joy away. Be more happy and enjoy my life. I need to desperately get out of my comfort zone.
"Cowards die a thousand deaths, heroes die but once."
I'd rather live a short life without fear that the living death of a long life filled with fear."
It's funny we all have fears. I guess one of mines is a fear of failure. I've always felt as though I was never good enough as a child even before teasing. My dad like I had to beg him to come to my high school graduation. I had to beg him, like wtf? He much rathered to hang in the streets. As if he didn't really care. He didn't attend any of my graduations or any events aside from my birth, yet he lived in the same house as I did. So close but yet so distant. Is it selfish of me to resent him for that? We all go through things. I think I've been selfish to throw it in his face all the things he didn't do for me. Not knowing all of what he has been through.
Like I've been reading Everything Happens For A Reason by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's really inspiring and the title was intriguing enough for me. I brought it about 2-3 years ago, in hopes to find the meaning in the events of my life. Its funny because when I first read it it was I couldnt comprehend anything, I didnt understand it at all. But now it all makes so much sense to me. Maybe I just wasn't ready for that back then. Mira is a psychotherapist and she talks about some of her encounters with her patients. This one guy Steve age 37, college grad. who traveled to Sao PAula and Calacutta where he studided runaways, young children living on the streets and trying to survive on their own. He was captivated by all that he seen and decided to write novels based on what he saw. 10 years later he completed two novels, only to not have them published. Steve was angered feeling as he has wasted his youth. thats something he hasnt been able to move on from but he can't make sense of why did all that happen to him. Mira said to him the meaning of all that happened was for him to let go of his fear. Steve agreed but still needed more and asked " But how can overcomming my fears be the reason why I wasted so many years of my life?" "Tell me something specific you have been afraid of?", Mira asked. Steve longed to work for a big corporation and was afraid he would not be happy and it all would just be a disaster. "And what whould of happen Then?", Mira asked. "It would of all been a waste and I would feel terrible", Steve replied. "Isn't that where you are now." "Everything you have been afraid of has already happened."
"Everything you have been afraid of has already happened."
So that pretty sums up my life. Afraid of being alone, failure, its already happened. Like what do I have to fear now. Like I can't keep living in this fear. GGrrrr easily said than done. My main prob with not moving on is I keep self sabatoging myself with my persistant negative thoughts.
"It sucks the way lifes' been treating you, it's totally nuts that you'd be treating yourself the same way."-Mira Kirshenbaum
Why do we let people treat us bad and in return we do the same as what someone done to us.I gave people to much power over me power that God cannot even do. I let them control my moods, steel my joy, and blame them for doing this n that to me. I feel like a puppet. Letting people lead me to doing something beyond my control. time to put that to an end.
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Posted by peacenluv on 2008-05-18 13:52:13 | Rating: | Views: 36
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I also let negative thoughts take over my life. I let people run all over me, I soulnd confused whenever I try to tell someone off. I am glad I have an online mentor name Deb who has been in our shoes, you should get gmail and i will give u her email address so u can have some chance of talking to her. She says something liek this, you are never over something, there is always another layer you have to work on once you worked on ur current issues.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-06-21 14:05:06
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A wise man once said,noone can make you feel inferior unless you let them. Don't let people do that to you. You know that you are worth something. Don't let anybody tell you different. Move forward and leave the negative behind you,you don't need it. Don't let the negative pull you down. Look forward,move forward,leave the bad stuff behind you.
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Posted by happyhippie1965
on 2008-06-21 14:53:03
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