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Ugh

Half good news half bad news. Bad news: my granny was just diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. She's been sick with other things for a long time, so it's almost a relief to know that she will pass very quickly, instead of living in pain for much longer. I still don't want to lose her and I'm very worried about my mother. She is very stressed out about everything.

I have a feeling granny will die while I am away at school this year. If that happens, I'm not sure if I will come home. It's so expensive to fly back, but I think mom will need the support. It will suck to miss school, but I think it will be okay. Ugh I've never had to deal with death before, and I'm not really sure how to approach it. It's so sad, but I think it is a relief for granny. She has been so sick for so long!

Good news, I got my period! An entire day late, way to stress the shit out of me. I haven't decided if I will use condoms. I know it is the smart thing to do "just in case" but I really like not using them. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow, so I will ask her how reliable the pill is. I seriously can't risk getting pregnant. Better safe than sorry? It's nice to be reckless sometimes though.

Bad thought: I REALLY want to run into my ex with my boyfriend. I don't know if he knows about him yet, but I know that it will hurt my ex to see us together. I'm not sure if that's me just being immature, or maybe me not being over the ex yet. I think it's a revenge thing (which I know means I still care). But I honestly do love my boyfriend. I want the ex to know what he's missing and the awesome guy who has replaced him and far surpassed him as my boyfriend. I can't believe I was with the ex for so long, and that I let him hurt me so much. He was constantly dissappointing me and hurting me. My boyfriend is so completely amazing - not perfect, but amazing even with his flaws! :)