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| The pain that just won't go away
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Is this what I did to him? I am so broken hearted. It's difficult to live my life putting on a happy face. It's hard to try and forget and to put him away - into my past. I loved him so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him. It's been nearly 4 months!
I broke my first boyfriend's heart. It has been... 3 years since that, and he still tries to speak to me. I don't know if he's truly gotten over it. I never loved him, but I tried to be a good girlfriend to him, which just made things worse. He has had so many girlfriends since me, yet he keeps trying to talk to me and find out about me. He is always asking my friends about my life. Thank God I moved across the continent! He's almost become stalker-like, to the point where there are restraining orders against him for some of my friends back home.
I know that things with my broken heart now are different. Namely, in that we were so madly in love with each other. I think it's completely unfair that I'm going through this much pain now, because he is the one that put everything into our relationship. He said I love you first. He talked about kids and marriage. He followed me across the country and moved next door to me. I never asked for things to get as serious as they did - he pushed and pushed and pushed. I fell deeper and deeper in love with him, and now, he's taken it all away.
He was too young to be in such a serious relationship. He wanted to party and be irresponsible. I've matured beyond my years, and have different interests, morals, and hobbies. I tried so hard to be okay with the things he was doing. He pushed and pushed, and I just kept on giving, never demanding anything for myself.
It hurts me that he couldn't break up with me. I had to be the one to end things because he wasn't strong enough. He kept hurting me and hurting me, and never making things better. Yet when I cried, he would comfort me and tell me he loved me. If I was upset at him, he would cry at the thought of losing me. I never want to see another man cry. Especially not over me. Have I broken his heart, too?
The nerve that he had to call me after 2 months of healing, and tell me he still loves me and misses me. I was talking solice in the thought that he wasn't worthy of me - that he was a cruel guy nondeserving of my love. For him to blow that away, took away my shield and now I"m in more pain. Thinking about his feelings makes thinsg harder on myself. Truthfully, he still loves me. I know that sounds dumb to say, but he honestly loves me. He just doesn't want a girlfriend and is tired of hurting me.
I need to move on.
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Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-02-12 15:58:50 | Rating: | Views: 111
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| Blog Comments
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wow,
man.
that really sucks.
im sorry you have to go through that,
i just got over my ex.
it was painful as hell to let him go.
i gave up so much,
he gave up nothing.
i think girls dont need guys as bad as we think.
i know this is gonna sound cheesy
but i love to listen you can talk to me.
if you want.
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Posted by nikkilouise
on 2008-02-12 21:20:56
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