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You can cut it with a knife. Life is so confusing right now. I'm not used to being single. I don't want to be single. I am so much happier with my life now that I'm not with him. I have a more meaningful relationship with my friends, I'm on better terms with my parents, I feel free to do as I please in every aspect of my life. There is no one except for myself holding me back from anything. I love that. I'm a strong, independent person, and as a single, I can fully assert myself.
Life is better, on an overally happiness scale I've probably jumped up two points. I'm working on hopping back up the scale. I want to be fully happy on my own, before I jump into a relationship. The funny thing is, that I'm not really on my own. I'm so dependent on my roomie and on P. I always have them there for me. It's different then boyfriend girlfriend though.
Today me and P discussed our relationship for the first time ever. I didn't mean to, but I sort of had to explain what happened last night with that guy, and I told P about how our friend was getting all inquisitive about my relationship with P. I told P that I told our friend the following. Me and P have a very special relationship - he is my best friend. I see him everyday, we talk about everything. We will be friends forever. Even if he does like me that way, or I like him that way, neither of us would act on it because we don't want to risk our friendship. Relationships at our age don't last - there is so much of life ahead of us and many things could happen to tear apart a relationship. But a friendship can last through anything."
I told P that, and he said that he agreed completely. Except he made it sound like he did like me that way. And sometimes I wonder if I like him that way, or if it's just that I feel so close to him as a friend and mistake it for that. Anyways, it doesn't really matter because as I just said, we won't do anything about it.
I do miss having a guy around for certain physical reasons... ugh it's been to long. I just can't bear to hook up with anyone casually, and will therefore have to live with the tension. |
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Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-03-29 00:45:00 | Rating: | Views: 43
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