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I'm astounded at how heartbroken I remain. Amongst a crowd of overjoyed fans, and my all-time favorite music group, listening to my favorite music, with my best friend in the universe, I felt devastated. The concert was extremely emotional for me, for it is nostalgic of my childhood. For some reason, that emotion was directed towards my broken heart. I thought it was healing. Apparently not.
I'm walking around with a million pounds of weight on my shoulders. A permanent lump remains in my throat, that won't swallow away. I even come off as sad to other people - me, the girl most people would call the perkiest girl they know. I'm known for being exuberant, confident, and sweet. But now my soul is filled with gloom.
It can't be normal for it to be this hard. I feel like no one in the world could possibly understand how I feel, or how hurt I am. I want nothing more than to run to his house and crawl into his arms. To be loved and safe. With him, the love of my life. I keep trying to deny that, but he really was. I don't believe I will ever meet another guy like him. So charismatic and funny and cool, yet sweet and sensitive. Sexy and endearing, and so vulnerable with me.
How could I let that go? Our relationship was so important to me. I tried my hardest and would have done anything to make it work. But he didn't want that. It is so unfair that I had to be the one to end things, when it is him who made the break. I don't know if it has anything to do with me, it makes me feel better to think that it didn't. How could it, if he still loves me and misses me, as he said. I really think it was completely him, not wanting a girlfriend and being too immature.
I miss him so much. I know that I can't go back to him. He doesn't deserve my love after the way that he treated me. I want to go on with my life. I want to be happy. I want to be able to enjoy life without thinking of him every single day. I want to smile and have it not be forced.
I'm lost without him. |
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Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-01-31 23:55:31 | Rating: | Views: 73
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You're not lost. You just feel that way. The only time you are acutually lost is when you let him push you off of your road. The only path is one where you move down the road. Love is like a roller coaster. You get on, you have your ups and downs. Then you get off and ride again.
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Posted by tradecraft
on 2008-02-01 17:31:19
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Just dont turn into another relationship vampire:P Heartbreak/ache can often make people rush into stupid things. Just change your channel and move on...best you can do. And, if your life changes when he decides to come back realizing his mistake, it will be your choice to let him back in or not...If in with someone else, I'd opt for not.
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Posted by brainstormer
on 2008-02-08 20:30:13
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