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I've been sad again lately. I think it's probably stress and exams - it puts a grim outlook on everything.
I found out that this couple from high school is still together. The guy was really good-looking, popular and cocky. The girl was very... plain. Not smart, not pretty, not popular, not... anything really. Just one of those girls. I was really suprised that they started dating in grade 12. They went to the same university, just like my ex and I. And they are still together. My first thought was "Oh, wait till they break up" Which is a really bitchy thought. I don't want anyone to go through what I went through... love is the most fantastic thing and I really am jealous of them for it.
Other thing that happened: while studying in the library, a girl sitting next to me was whisper-arguing on her phone with her boyfriend. They had a full blown FIGHT in the middle of the library over the phone. She left hysterical and in tears. She obviously didn't get any studying done. And that made me remember what he did to me. Now, I won't spontaneously be upset. There's no one making me feel bad, at least not on that level. A relationship should not be that damaging to your mental state.
But I miss him. I miss loving him. I miss having him to lean on. I can't believe I'm going to go home without him. I'm going to spend the entire summer in the city that we have both grown up in - without him. He will be there, but he has moved and well... it's really, truly over. I keep wishing that he would just call me and tell me that he can't do it anymore. He can't live without me, he doesn't want to be single. He wants to give it another shot. He wants to really try this time. The funny thing is, I think that if he did that, I would say no.
He is not the one for me. For him, I gave up my dreams. I gave up my independence, my friends, and my involvement in the community. I loved him so much and to make our relationship work, I had to. It wasn't fair, and I can't put myself in that situation again. I don't want to make any life altering decisions because of him. Especially when he wasn't making me happy.
Yet I still can't help but love him.
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Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-04-17 02:53:28 | Rating: | Views: 46
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I gave up my everything for my ex because i loved him more than anyone! And when we broke up, it was me left broken and he had moved on only 3 days later... But i bet you as strong as i was, and the next man will give his all just to be with you!
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Posted by babz_03
on 2008-04-17 03:06:44
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Ok, get all your photos of him and things he brought you and put them in a box, to get through this you need as little reminders as poss and it will help you to get over him by focusing on having fun with your friends
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Posted by southernsun
on 2008-04-17 03:58:47
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