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Tonight was the night where I went out with a friend of mine, with home I did not mean to end up on a date with. I didn't realize until after I agreed to the date, that it was a date. Anyways, we went out for drinks and I had a really good time with him. He's a nice guy and I love hanging out with friends, but I am in no way attracted to him. I thought it was going okay, until later in the date he started being all touchy and tried to kiss me. I immediately told him that I wasn't going to kiss him.
We had this messed up conversation right after that, something along the lines of:
Me: I really don't want to get in a serious relationship right now. (Note - this guy is friends with my ex and is aware of our recent (ish) breakup)
Him: I'm okay with that, I just really like you, yadayada.
Basically, I explained to him that I am uncomfortable being physical with him, but that I really enjoy his company. He said that he would love to "date" me, something more than friends, but he was okay taking it slow. He wants it to be boyfriend-girlfriend-ish (whatever that means). He also said he would refrain from sleeping with anyone else. I told him I didn't care about that... I also told him I would really enjoy hanging out with him, but that I really really don't want to be in a relationship.
Ugh, how do I keep doing this? I've always been a heartbreaker and I hate it. The worst part of the night was when he confronted me about my relationship with my best friend (P) who is a guy. The guy I was out with tonight knows P, and basically asked me if P was okay with me going out with him. Truth be told, tonight, P was weird about it. I told him I had to go get ready, and he was like "Why do you have to get ready for him? You should just go in sweats." A little disdainful. The guy tonight told me that P likes me. Honestly, I know that. But P is such a sweet guy and he would never EVER say anything to me about it because he values our friendship. I'm not sure if I like P like that, but I can tell you I value my relationship with him over most things and that I miss him dearly when we are apart. But it's in a very brotherly way ( I think).
So anyways, I'm not sure how I left it with the guy tonight. I think I will avoid seeing him due to being busy with exams and such, maybe see him once for dinner or something, until the summer, where I can go home and be away from it all. I know it's immature, but I can't figure out a way to avoid hurting his feelings other than that.
A part of me was hoping that this whole date was a secret plot from the ex to get back with me. I suck. |
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Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-03-28 02:43:42 | Rating: | Views: 58
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