| View Blog
|
|
|
I just listened to that song for half an hour and I'm hysterical. Tears running down my face. I'm not okay. I can't pretend anymore that it's okay. I'm not okay. How am I supposed to live without him? He was my life. Without him I feel lost and alone. I'm missing a huge part of me. He left a huge gap in my heart and nothing will fill it. I'm terrified because I'm not okay. As much as I pretend that I am, I'm not. People think that they can tallk about it now... that it's been long enough for it to be ancient history. Well it's not. These wounds are still fresh. I can't stand being without him. I can't stand knowing he's right there and I can't be in his arms.
I can't stand knowing that he could be with someone else. That he probably has. That he doesn't love me anymore. That I can't love him anymore. Because I do. I can't stop those feelings, I can't take them away as much as I want to. I can't rewind my life and erase him from it. I can't stop this pain and that sucks so bad. I'm desperate, I would seriously do almost anything to get rid of this pain and hurt. I'm shaking again.
I can't forget the night it ended. I couldn't walk home. I shook like a leaf. I lay in bed with my bestie, and I cried. I cried and I shook, and I scared her to pieces. Nobody has ever seen me like that before. I've never been like that before. It took everything out of me. I've been hiding from my feelings since then, running away as fast as possible, hoping for it to stop. Hoping for things to start feeling better. I thought that if I pretended it was okay, soon it would stop feeling like I was pretending. But it won't stop.
I feel like such a loser right now. He brought me such extreme joy. Exhilerating, mind blowing happiness. It's a drug, I'm addicted. Is this how a meth head feels? How could something so good, be gone like that. I never had him. I just got a grasp every once and a while. But it was so amazing it kept me coming back for more. Now I'm going cold turkey. He even accused me of that once. "It's like I'm your drug. You have to see me or else you are upset. When we're apart you're a ticking timb bomb." Yes I am. I denied it then, but I'll tell you now. You're my drug. |
|
Posted by peace_seeker on 2008-03-18 01:13:47 | Rating: | Views: 63
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Did you maybe think that's why he left you? Nobody likes to be clung to like staticy cellophane. Learn from it....
|
|
Posted by yellow
on 2008-03-18 03:58:10
|
|
|
|
|
Maybe so, yellow. Or it could be that the two of them just had different ideas on what a relationship meant and how much "together" time should be involved. Some people's idea of a relationship is to spend it all together, others want to have time apart. Doesn't necessarily mean that either person is wrong, just different.
|
|
Posted by hairytoad2005
on 2008-03-18 05:06:03
|
|
|
|
|
|
