Thoughts.com Blogs - Officer Jesus?

Here's a thought for you:

What if Jesus came to arrest you every time you committed a sin? Would it change your behavior?

Here is how I see it playing out:

You lied. You told your boss you had a flat tire, when you were really sleeping in and eating waffles. You are sitting at your desk in your bland-tastic cubicle when Jesus pops out of thin air (think: apparates).

You say, “Aw crap...you heard that?”

Jesus shakes His head and states, “You have the right to remain silent (in fact, I recommend it), anything you say can and will make you look like even more of an idiot. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’ve heard every excuse in the book. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as I have read them to you?”

“Yes, Jesus.”

“Good. Now, stand up and put your hands behind your back.”

Jesus takes you to jail. You do not pass “Go,” you do not collect $200 – you go straight to jail. And unfortunately you’re not a pastor’s kid (we get a free “Get out of jail” card, cause God loves us more).

You spend the night in a cold, dank, roach-infested cell. The next morning you are taken to the JUDGE.

“All rise. The Honorable JUDGE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD presiding.”

God comes in. He’s bigger than you thought. You mumble to yourself, “Oh crap.”
The charge is read aloud –

“You lied.”

You realize there is no point in denying it, due to the whole omniscience thing. You enter your plea;

“Guilty.”

God says, “Duh.”

You wonder where in the world your attorney is. Weren’t they supposed to provide one for you? The sentence is read aloud:

“I hereby sentence you to death.”

“Death?!? Isn’t that a little extreme? What about a few hail mary’s? Or 100 hours service at the church? I like to paint!” The look on your face moves quickly from the state of shock to shame. You remember the verse;

“For the wages of sin is death.”

You realize there is nothing more to say. You deserve it. You knew better. You chose to lie even though you knew it was wrong. Then...Jesus walks in. He’s wearing a suit. And he’s got his hair slicked back in a ponytail. He looks spiffy.

“Sorry I’m late. There was an earthquake in Cambodia. And the traffic...Dad – we gotta do something about that.”

“It’s alright Son. I was just reading his sentence.”

“The usual?”

“The usual.”

“Hey Jesus?” you say meekly.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know,” He says. “You’re free to go.”

“What? That’s it? All I had to do was say I’m sorry?”

“No, no, no. Somebody has to die.”

Your thoughts turn to your dog Sparky. “Who?” you ask.

“Me.”

“But - But you didn’t do anything. It was me. I was the one who lied. I stayed up too late, and I really like waffles. Why do you have to die?”

“Good point,” Jesus says.

Oh man, you think...is He gonna take it back? Am I gonna have to die?

“Actually, I’ve already died. Then I came back to life. You might have heard about it when you showed up at your sister’s church on Easter? You know, Bunny day?”

“Oh, yeah. So...what happens now?”

“Well, you said you’re sorry...which really doesn’t mean much. But you actually meant it. The penalty for the transgression has already been paid. And I have told you you’re free to go. I think we’re done here.” Jesus looks towards the door and then back to you, “So...what are you still doing here?”

“Thank you,” you stumble out the words. “I mean, really, thank you. How can I thank you enough? You saved my life.”

“Yes. Yes, I did. Try to remember that next time you stay up to watch re-runs ok?”

“Yes, Lord.”

“Don’t call me that...it makes me feel like my Father. I’m only thirty three.”

You smile. You wake up. Your cubicle is as bland-tastic as ever. You wonder, “Was that a dream?”

Jesus pops back in the cube.

“Are you really that dense? Go...sin no more.”