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Upon graduating from college and moving to Los Angeles, I began to realize just how difficult it was to make friends. It's not like college, where you go to classes with 30-50 different people per class, and that doesn't even include the people in your dorm. If you can't make friends in college, you're basically screwed as an adult. But in moving to LA and working full-time, I realized that I was waking-up, going into my underground parking, driving to work, parking in the parking garage, working, then going home. At no point was I ever in contact with any people besides my co-workers (and "should you befriend co-workers" is a completely different topic). Going to the gym made it more possible to meet others, though the advent of the walkman and now ipods make the gym quite individual.
And if THAT wasn't bad enough, when I finally came-out, I realized I only had straight friends, and should make some gay ones. Easier said than done.
Perhaps I'm just embittered by the gays in LA (whom I hear are different with respect to attitude than gays everywhere else), but I have found it VERY difficult to make gay friends.
When I think of this topic, I remember a scene from "When Harry Met Sally"
H: You realize of course that we can never be friends.
S: Why not?
H: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
S: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
H: No you don't.
S: Yes I do.
H: No you don't.
S: Yes I do.
H: You only think you do.
S: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
H: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
S: They do not.
H: Do too.
S: They do not.
H: Do too.
S: How do you know?
H: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
S: So, you're saying that a man can be friend with a woman he finds unattractive?
H: No. You pretty much want to nail them too.
S: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
H: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
And sadly, that is the case with the gays.
I think of the gay friends that I have, and find this to be true. Of my close gay friends, I have either fooled-around with them, or would have liked to fool-around with them when we first met. Sad, but true. Would I have talked to them if they weren't attractive? Would I have befriended them without the sex thing being out there? Shallow, I know. Do I want to fool around with them now? Not really, but in all reality, we would not have met if there wasn't the initial attraction. I would not have gotten to know them to become friends if the sex thing wasn't there.
So my question is this: is it possible for a gay man to befriend another gay man without the sex thing being out there? And a corollary to that question - can straight men and straight women actually be friends without the sex thing being out there? If so (to either of these), how does one go about doing this?
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Posted by osulaw2 on 2008-02-01 17:45:53 | Rating: | Views: 79
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ah grasshopper, this is true only in your twenties and thirties, once into 40's, you know enough to look past the body.
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Posted by XChicago
on 2008-03-10 23:37:13
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