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This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life.. i have never felt such emotions. Numb..empty, sad, angry, stupid, foolish, heartbroken,guilt..you name it! But my brother ..my lovely brother got in contact and my dad..the only people who have stood by me..and a good good friend. Without then i wouldnt be here..and of course my wonderful kids. I kept contacting Tim, god knows why...thought he may still be there for me..but last message i received..ironically valentines day was this..i asked him two questions..what made him change his mind and what was i about my sister that he felt he had to prove to her..and this is how he answered... well, it was seeing ****, it really hit home about him and couldnt bare having a bad realtionship with ***** and have to pick him up on the doorstep and just spend time wiht him in my car or in the park. i want to be able to see at any time, have ***** round my house with him, go round hers and see him there. She didnt say anything to me, but i could see in her eyes how much i have hurt her, and i just couldnt do that to her anymore. she is the mother of my child, and although i dont regret what we had, ***** had to come first, which makes ***** come second. it is not great for me either, but its something i have to do. That night was hard too, and i felt like such a c**t for what i have done. with *****, it was out of sight, out of mind, but seeing her made me so sad.
2nd'ly, its the same as above. she hasnt said anything, and she couldnt threaten me as she knew i would take her to court. and no way we are getting back together.
it was easier for us if we just keep contact to a minimum for everyones sake, and they will come round, *****still hates me, so its not like im trying to get back in her good books and saying bad things about you, i still care for you to not do that
The money, i will give you back, whatever happens, i stick to my word that nextr may, i will give you the money/
I dont know whats gonna happen in the furture, but you understand about *****, if he was older, then maybe it would be different, but i can only see him a few hours a week, and need to keep in touch with ***** for his sake. I see the way *****and *** are, and would hate to be like them. i dont know what else to say, but i promise you this, it is not easy for me either to act like i am acting.
anyway, this is prob all over the place, but just said what came into my head
x
So what do you think of that, i stupidly thought he may be saying in the future thinsg will work out..but i dont see the point. The money...well i paid a 10k deposit for their house which he owes me now..i got a letter asking for permission for him to borrow 4k .i signed it, intending to send it back..but i have just ripped it up and put it in the bin..am i right..? i dont want to sink down to my familys level..but why should i do him any favours.?
Now..i'm slowly recovering , a night out with my friends..telling me i needed to love myself before i try and find someone to love me, i think maybe theyre right. I went to visit my dad and brother Sunday, but nearly died on the way home having a panic attack in the car at 70mph is not good.. i dont know how im still here..but thinking of my kids gets me through each day. Its a new beginning..maybe i have realised who really cares about me in my life and who doesnt...i have learned a lot about myself..not all good. All i know is...im changing my numbers...i wont contact Tim again and im moving forward with my life...how would you deal with it ...am i doing the right thing../ I know it will get easier and i know i'll get through it..i just have to be strong.
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Posted by ophelia_moonheart on 2008-02-18 17:06:14 | Rating: | Views: 73
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Girl! my heart goes out to you! Keep your chin up, stay strong for your kids sake! and I still say if the family doesn't support you, move on without them too! (except for Dad and Brother)
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Posted by otherwoman
on 2008-02-19 11:27:01
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Hi, just found your post via Other woman. I haven't read back on yours. But I too have had to deal with the loss of my partner (to another woman - ironic that I read otherwoman's posts!!! Haha)..
The advice I offer you is to Find things that you like doing - and do them... at first you may not enjoy them but as you remember what you liked about doing it you will become yourself again and not feel lost.
This also keeps you busy.
I read books again - love them, my ex never read. I scrapbook again - my ex used to ask me what I would do at 60 if I was doing that in my 30's.
I write - make up little stories and am doing a course.
Reach out to friends - maybe some you haven't spoken to for a while - get involved in friends and their activities - go for simple things like coffees ... anything to keep busy slowly by slowly you'll get through it.
Do new things with your kids - set yourselves little goals and work towards them ... baby steps.
Don't expect it all to work at once, you don't eat an elephant whole - it's one bite at a time!
Good luck.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-02-20 04:22:59
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