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We carried on speaking for two weeks, two weeks of heartache and torment, i tried to end it 2-3 times but he wouldnt let me go. We met up for a drink and i tried to end it, but seeing him there and feeling what i felt, like nothing else in the world mattered at that moment..i just couldnt do it. The worst thing is..i love my sister..we have been so close..she depends on me for everything and she has confided in me too..which makes me feel like a complete bitch I cant understand why i feel this way, and i have no idea why he feels like this for me. She is pretty, young, the mother of his child...i am older, and have 3 kids!! That is why i know its more than lust. He cares about me so much..like no one i have ever known. He is prepared to risk everything..and stand by me..but shes my sister..
Anyway.. i havent written for a few days and i will tell you why..on the 31'st of January my phone rang..it was my sister..she screamed down the phone.."i know about you two!".. my heart was pounding..i felt sick.. "what about us two, what are u talking about?" "i have seen the messages you two sent each other, now get your arse down here now". And with that she hung up. The room was spinning..i felt sick..nausea ..i ran to the bathroom and threw up..shaking i rang Tim. "Hello..?" he said. "She knows..she knows everything" ..i said. and with that i explained the conversation..this is it i thought..he will definately be finished with me now...but he put the phone down and drove straight to me. He held me, and told me it would all be ok..he was standing by me whatever happened.
Then it started, the texts. First from my mum.. : "i hope its all worth it for a shag, youve lost more than u think". Ok so great they think we have slept together and been having an affair..and my own mother..couldnt even be bothered to give me the chance to explain.. My step dad: So not content with stealing your sis in laws bf.. the ultimate betrayal your sister.. well i hope you and your piece of shit are very happy...far far away from here"!
A long time ago when i was 21 and suffering from PND , my brother in law to be..made a move on me..i was very drunk..i was flattered , i wasinsecure, i was stupid and naive and slept with him. Im not an evil person.. but why do these things keep happening to me? Its never about sex.. its about being wanted, desired and loved, something i have never felt in my life and when i get the slightest chance of feeling that ..even for a moment i take it.. i am weak...
Then the worst.. my own sister..who slept with my bf in my bed when i was pregnant with his child on holiday..sent me the worst most unimaginable text. Saying i'm a slut, i haev destroyed the family, im poison and the most judgemental person in the world for daring to feel upset about what she did to me, when i was just as bad if not worse..and i have broken my sister , oh and dont forget that she doesnt understand how my kids are so lovely when im such poison.
Now lets get this right.. i uncontrollably have genuine feelings for someonewho is single..yes granted my sisters ex..and only just who is the father of her child. He has genuine feelings for me. We spend 4 weeks in absolute torment not knowing what to do..BUT NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER..and that is worse than..my sister who i had taken into my home.. inviting my bf.. father of my child back to my house..and sleeping with him IN MY BED..which was just for sex, neither of them like each other. She risked the relationship with me and my kids, and my family,for drunken sex in my bed..which she now just calling a drunken fumble( she forgets..and this may be TMI that she told my own mother she had to go to the drs the next day because her tampax was stuck up her from the sex) and this is somehow less painful and bad than what i havent done! She then spent 8 months living a lie, making my life a misery as she was such a bitch to my now ex bf and i had no idea why..thought it was because he treated me like crap..but found out when my brother couldnt take it anymore and told me. She never apologised.. she never thought about the effect it had on me, but i forgave her eventually. I also found out she had done something sexual with another of my ex's.. someone i loved alot . I didnt send her one nasty text..i didnt have hate campaign against her..i told my family they could make their own mind up ..and i tried to get on with my life.
She has set up a group on facebook...(my name) is a slut..and asked people to join. She told my daughter on the internet she no longer loved me..shes hacked my email account, sent messages to my contacts with the messages i sent Tim.. saying ive been having an affair..and tried to get my ex husband involved..and im the poison one?
Anyway..every hour that day was torture..i was scared..of what would happen..would i have my family on my doorstep..trying to beat the crap out of me? Would my car be torched? What would the kids think? How would my sister be coping..? Have i destroyed my life ? And not only that there was Tim, who had his mum on the phone calling him a bastard..we were sick..she never wanted to see him again etc etc. I felt like i had destroyed everyones life..but all there was were messages about how we felt for each other and we in torment..a few flirty tongue in cheek messages and one saying about meeting up. Nothing about sex, nothing about an affair and nothing from while they were still together , because that is the gods honest truth..but who will believe me now.?
Its been 4 days now.i have lost my mum, both my sisters, prob my brothers.. Noone has aked me for an explanation..no one has given me a chance..ive been hung , drawn and quatered..found guilty before ive even had a chance to be tried for my crime.. it makes me realise something. I have spent 33 years of my life dedicated to my family..they have never ever had a bad word to say about me before..i have helped them all..without me who knows where they would be now..and one thing i do..and its over..shows how much i meant to them.
Tim..has been an absolute rock..hes stood by me..hes stood up for me to his parents..to my family..and hes been with me now 4 days..he cooked to make sure i ate.. hes just been unbelievable..beyond the call of duty..so tell me now..knowing what you have read..do you understand why now./.? I couldnt turn this man down, for my family..? I hope so.. i will write more ..and let you all know what happens from here..x
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hot diggity dang! Girl I am SOOO happy for you!!! woo hooo!!! yeha yeah yeah! Like I've said before if your family loves you then they will stand behind you no matter what they think of your decision... but now you have a rock, someone you can trust, and who obviously loves you unconditionally! yeah yeah yeah!!! I'm doing the happy dance for you!
Keep your chin up when it comes to the family.
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Posted by otherwoman
on 2008-02-04 20:35:35
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| Views: 103
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